The Queen of Cups returns to the Numiverse for the first time since the New Year, and invites us to dive deep into our emotional landscapes before birthing our beauty in the world, says Melinda Lee Holm …
In the thick of Cancer season’s deepest feels, spoken word artist and Moon Club founding member Lisa Luxx’s exclusive new poem, “How To Be A Tide,” reminds us that our most tempestuous emotions are our beautiful birthright …
How To Be A Tide is a poem about the movement and motion of being woman. It’s a dialogue about finding our most supreme beauty in that familiar expansion and contraction. About how much can be gained from seeing ourselves as individual waves in the ocean of sisterhood.
One great purpose of poetry is to turn familiar aches into unfamiliar blessings; to subvert moaning into marvelling. The instability of a hormonal body could drive a person mad if they’re pressurising themselves to maintain a static constant. So for me, as an incredibly tempestuous person, I traversed this tidal metaphor as a bid for freedom.
I’ve been philosophically exploring the nature of beauty for the past year or so – what it is, what it does and why that might be – writing out my revelations and dreams. This piece is about taking ownership of one’s own beauty. When you no longer have the resources to flow outwards, that means your beauty – enriched now – is coming back home to you. – Lisa Luxx
How To Be A Tide will be published in Luxx’s upcoming collection Breastmilk Martini, which is out later this year with New River Press.
Cancer Season 2018 brings a deep dive into our healing process, along with opportunities for true and lasting intimacy, says Bess Matassa … PLUS check out the latest installment of our Astrocast podcast with Bess and Sandy Sitron
Slip into your swimmies and prepare to be fully submerged. The night-blooming flowers of Cancer Season 2018 are ripe and redolent, ushering in a month to tuck into our vulnerability, bear witness to our own softness, and validate every feeling tone that emerges.
With Mars, Chiron, and Neptune all traveling retro, it’s time to stage a farewell party to outmoded illusions, drifting slowly and steadily towards new shorelines. For tapping into underground power sources that don’t need to be proven to be potent. Beneath any surface desires for action and achievement, subtler tidal shifts in soul expansion are sounding their siren song.
So skinny-dip into your shimmering sensitivities, water birth new notions of personal triumph, and let your longings lead you back home to your own private island. You belong to all the selves your secret cavern can hold …
Get the quick and dirty on the four key astro events of Cancer Season 2018 below—and listen to the full Cancer Season 2018 report from Numi resident astrologers Bess + Sandy HERE in the latest edition of our Astrocast podcast …
Sun in Cancer (6.21-7.21) // Think … Terrarium Building
Cancer’s cardinal water energy washes us back onto our own shorelines, and activates themes of privacy, belonging, and soul-centered security. Think of the luminous lunacy of your inner lifeworld as your own tiny biodome, a carefully tended shelter for your wildest dreams. Use this image to play with the edge between guarding your treasured visions, and slowly exposing them to the sunlit world.
Mars Retrograde (6.25-8.27) // Magic Animal Growing Capsules
As the planet of frictional force and engine-revving libido slows its roll, it’s a glorious moment for considering your relationship to “being” rather than doing. For celebrating the “actions” that happen on a soul level, even when you can’t see them directly manifest in the material world. Make this a month to allow for all flavors of growth and movement. Think of all that you can build without having to go hard or prove your right to exist (and check out the YouTube clip at the link above for some magically wacky inspo!)
Mercury and Venus in Leo (6.29-9.5 and 6.13-7.9) // Paula Abdul’s “Forever Your Girl”
“Hey baby, you’ve got to remember …” As the planets of pleasure and vocalization travel through the glitter kitten terrain of Leo, pin your bedazzled-heart to a ruffled-sleeve with this classic roller rink anthem of unabashed passion. Venus in Leo teaches us that allowing our affections to spill over generously and vulnerably is the gateway to loyal loving that lasts, while Mercury in Leo seals each messages with a magenta-lipped kiss. Come clean about your right to your fluffiest feelings and adorn your most cherished romantic hopes in their truest colors.
Jupiter Direct in Scorpio (7.10) // Film Noir Chic
As the planet of wild expansion stations direct in deep sea diver Scorpio, there are gems to be mined in our most intimate partnerships. How can fully embracing your own shadow lead to the veneration and celebration of your only-human partners? How can you integrate and assimilate your own darkness as simply another quality of the light? Play with the complete range of feeling in deliciously dramatic, film noir inspired fashions and remind yourself that taking this seriously is a tasty affirmation of your right to feel it all.
The placement of Aries ruling planet Mars in our birth chart, can show how to express our anger in a healthy and progressive way …
So here we are in Aries season, my birthday month. But I’ve never felt like a bone fide Aries. Bossy, sometimes. Sure I like to get my own way. But I’m not super confident. Far from confrontational. And definitely not aggressive.
When a life coach once asked about my big message for the world (the one I would shout from the top of a mountain if I had a megaphone that could be heard from Australia to the Arctic circle), I replied: Please, will everybody just stop fighting!
This was late 2016, my plea inspired by a summer of terrorist attacks and an backdrop of political warmongering. I guess I’m just a massive pacifist, I told her. Whereas Aries, ruled by passion planet Mars, is the warrior of the Zodiac. A hot-headed temper tantrum waiting to happen. The one leading the protest, shouting the slogans, and fighting for justice.
Rather, as I wrote in this piece, I see myself as a spiritual activist. On a mission to shift consciousness one open-hearted sharing circle at a time. Partly because, as Martin Luther King famously put it, I believe that “Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
But also, because I am terrified of conflict. To the point that for a long time I thought I didn’t feel any anger at all. FOR REAL. From my parents’ “amicable” divorce, to my grandmother’s silent acceptance of her husband’s affairs, somewhere along the line I internalized that anger is bad. Causes more trouble than it’s worth.
This is not uncommon, among women in particular. But it’s something I’ve been beating myself up about lately. Aren’t activist activists what the world needs? People getting right up in the face of injustice. Shouting and screaming and demanding change. It’s fine for me, comfortable in my straight, white, British privilege, to sit back and preach about healing the world with hugs.
But the truth is, we each have our own flavor of fight in us—as denoted by the position of Mars in our birth chart. And my Mars (ruler of my Aries Sun, and therefore flavoring my soul essence) is in Cancer, the softest, most sensitive sign. Meaning my anger often leaks out of me as tears. Since tears are a sign of weakness, crying is “ugly,” and makes other people extremely uncomfortable, it’s not surprising I learned to suppress this part of myself.
Understanding my Mars placement has helped me to accept that part of my activism is to enable an emotional and vulnerable expression of anger—particularly teaching that it’s okay to cry. As I often do now, freely and openly, whenever I speak publicly about anything that angers or otherwise moves me. After all, the purpose of anger is to inspire action for change.
A recent example of the power of our tears? The tear-streaked speech by 17-year-old Emma Gonzalez following the Parkland shooting in Florida. Her angry tears, anything but a sign of weakness, have helped motivate thousands to join the March For Our Lives in Washington this weekend (under a Waxing Quarter Moon in Cancer, no less).
Mars shows how we can express our anger—also how we can channel our passion, our actions, and our drive—in ways that feel healthy to us. All the time I wasn’t comfortable feeling my anger, I channeled my pent-up tears into my addictions. To alcohol, shopping, work, social media. The energy of anger has to go somewhere.
Don’t know your Mars sign? You can do your chart for free HERE.
We can also see how Mars expresses itself in our most powerful activists. Martin Luther King had his Mars in Gemini—the sign that rules communication and words. Nelson Mandela, Mars in Libra—sign of the diplomat. As for Rosa Parks? Mars in Capricorn. The patient, stoic, unflinching anger that can move mountains—also the sign Mars is currently visiting through May 16.
Regardless of your date of birth, your Mars sign shows where your inner Aries lives. Because no matter how our anger is expressed, that there is a warrior in each and every one of us.
March For Our Lives takes place in Washington DC on March 24, with over 800 local events happening worldwide. On April 4, Black Lives Matter, The Peace Accelerators and a host of others, will march through Harlem, NY in remembrance of Martin Luther King Jnr. Join them HERE.
Pisces season 2018 invites us to succumb to the urge to merge, says Bess Matassa …
Cue the tropical house, turn on the fog machine, and get ready for a shellabration, mystic mermies. Pisces Season slip and slides us towards the end of the astrological year with a shimmering sense of sweet surrender.
Rather than effort and force this process of “letting go,” can you simply sink into a wider ocean, as you offer up your pain, your pleasure, and everything in between and set it out to drift? Prepare to take the plunge and become a dazzling speck in the big old blue.
So melt it down and let it come undone. Give it up and turn it loose. And know that in the letting, nothing is truly gone. Every loss is a find, astro babes. And you’ve already got the entire night sky’s stardust in every one of your precious cells.
The keyword: Melting.
The song lyrics: I saw the world crashing all around your face/Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace/I’ll stop the world and melt with you/The future’s open wide- Modern English, “I Melt With You”
Check out Bess’ Pisces Season Playlist, complete with yacht rock, spiritualized songstresses, and ethereal ambiance.
The color palette: aquatically artful, soft-lit shades. Think seafoam greens, shell pinks, opalescent creams, and iridescent mussel interiors.
The style: Kundalini kinetics meet Ibiza chic. Headwraps, bandeau bras, face sparkles, body stickers, strappy sandals, and diaphanous robes.
The scents and flavors: evanescent aromas and subtle spirit lifters. Think kombucha, amethyst lattes, seaweed, cucumber salads, water lily, and CBD oil.
The healing: deliciously abstract and tenderly borderless. Think sensory deprivation tanks, stargazing, wilderness walkabouts, transcendental meditation, and cuddle parties.
// Sensuous Invitation of the Month: Surrender for Your Chiron Sign //
Pisces Season asks us to soften, as we allow the world to reach out and touch every part of our souls. Your Chiron sign reveals a tender spot of longing and mystical sensitivity, where you can empathetically dive in and embrace the full flower of your humanness. Bless it all and release it all with an invitation towards subtle surrender …
New to astrology? Discover your Chiron sign HERE.
Chiron in Aries
Pisces Season invites you to awaken to your sensitivities around self-assertion. // Your Surrender: Ghost-writing. Celebrate your selfhood without even having to sign your name.
Chiron in Taurus
Pisces Season invites you to face your material fears about not having enough. // Your Surrender: Zero-waste living. Experiment with a month-long exploration of of self-contained sensuality.
Chiron in Gemini
Pisces Season invites you to clear your throat chakra and release anxieties about being misunderstood. // Your Surrender: Singing in the shower. Let your private message intermingle with the waters.
Chiron in Cancer
Pisces Season invites you to reach out for the sweet caress of letting yourself be truly cared for. // Your Surrender: Breakfast in bed. Learn when to luxuriate in loved ones attending to your needs.
Chiron in Leo
Pisces Season invites you to explore any blocks around trusting the power of play. // Your Surrender: Trampoline gym. Fly through the air with a simplistically joyous focus.
Chiron in Virgo
Pisces Season invites you to treat your beautiful bod like a treasure trove. // Your Surrender: Full-body massage. Feel into every part of your precious physical form.
Chiron in Libra
Pisces Season invites you to release your fears of relationship rejection. // Your Surrender: Slow-dancing. Slip into the arms of another and let your pain go to the prom.
Chiron in Scorpio
Pisces Season invites you to ungrip your palms and feel into your perception of “powerlessness.” // Your Surrender: Blindfolded play. Let a lover take the luscious lead.
Chiron in Sagittarius
Pisces Season invites you to let spiritual “crisis” create the basis for brand new beliefs. // Your Surrender: Silent meditation retreat. Trust in your philosophical perspective and become your own guru.
Chiron in Capricorn
Pisces Season invites you to claim the keys to your castle without having to do battle. // Your Surrender: Hiring a driver. Turn the engine over and trust that you’re heading towards your place on the throne.
Chiron in Aquarius
Pisces Season invites you to slough off the status-quo and forge your own future. // Your Surrender: Bungee jumping. Lift-off and leap into the uncontrollable unknown.
Chiron in Pisces
Pisces Season invites you to honor your escapist urges with healthy retreat. // Your Surrender: Going off grid. Take a technology vacay and connect to your higher power.
Bess is available for private readings and astro-themed events. Connect with her at bessmatassa.com
The Queen of Cups is here to help us become the master of our emotions, says Melinda Lee Holm …
Scorpio season 2017 invites us to dive deep into the shadows, so that we can emerge reborn, says Bess Matassa … PLUS primal thrill-seeking for your Lilith sign.
Welcome to the jungle, carnal starlets. The zodiac’s bestial baroness pulls no punches and takes no prisoners as she brings us down to our knees and into the heart of blood, sweat, and tear-drenched magic.
This muscular mami wants you to feel every last sensation as you gnaw the sweet meat right off the bare bones. The unexpected treasure, primal thrill-seekers? When we smoke it out of the closet and burn it all the way down, we’re left with rock solid, gold-soaked selfhood that can never be taken from us.
So go hard. Go deep. And let it bring you on home. Get down and dirty and wash it crystal clean of apologies and shame. It’s all a part of it and it’s all a part of you. Lust after it. Long for it. And know that you can survive every last loss and learn to long for it all again.
Your love is deeper than the ocean and you’re ready to shake it all the way down to the molten-hot core …
The keyword: Intensity.
The song lyrics: “Welcome to the jungle/You learn to live like an animal in the jungle where we play/Watch it bring you to your sha na na na na knees, knees”—Guns N’ Roses, Welcome to the Jungle
Check out Bess’ Scorpio Season 2017 playlist, complete with erotic rockers, carnal crooning, and night movers & shakers.
The color palette: unearthed geodes and glow-in-the-dark noir. Blood rubies, neon magentas, black vinyl, and liquid gold.
The style: Miami Vice meets the Roman bacchanal. Think sweat-drenched skin, waterproof bodysuits, strong shoulders, serpentine bracelets, and thigh-high, razor-sharp boots.
The scents and flavors: midnight snacks and deep-diving treats: carpaccio, ghost chili, indolic fragrances, rock candy, and smoked everything.
The healing: harder, deeper, longer. Tantric sex, scuba diving, escape room adventures, blindfolded hide-and-go-seek, shibari bondage, and strength training.
Sensuous Invitation of the Month: Primal Thrills for Your Lilith Sign
Although traditionally ruled by lord of the underworld, Pluto, Scorpio shares a deep affinity with the full-throttle passions of lusty Lilith. This shadowy woman harnesses her harlotry to probe the potency of animalism and the so-called forbidden.
While we sometimes shy away from bringing the “drama,” this season asks us to step directly into the wrestling ring and to fire up our operatic vocal chords, because a life worth living is worth living down to the bone. So belly up to the bar and take a bite out of everything with a primal sensation built for your sign …
New to astrology? Discover your Lilith sign HERE.
Lilith in Aries
Scorpio season invites you to hone your fighting skills to battle for your deepest desires. Primal Thrill: Power up with the badass maneuvers of Mixed Martial Arts.
Lilith in Taurus
Scorpio season invites you to sit with the less comfortable sensations and let the dirty work transform you. Primal Thrill: Dive into the torrid, exfoliating sensations of a sweat lodge.
Lilith in Gemini.
Scorpio season invites you to reveal the messier pieces of your story as you sing your fullest, most carnal song. Primal Thrill: Celebrate beastly revelations with mix & match animal prints.
Lilith in Cancer
Scorpio season invites you to enter another’s emotional landscape with both curiosity and appropriate boundaries. Primal Thrill: Penetrate the corners of human consciousness with a psychological thriller.
Lilith in Leo
Scorpio season invites you to mix your poptastic penchant for sun-kissed optimism with some darker explorations. Primal Thrill: Collide with the highs and lows of experience-rich opera tunes.
Lilith in Virgo
Scorpio season invites you to play with stepping away from towing the line as you expose the full range of your capabilities for the world to witness. Primal Thrill: Revel in both the painstaking behind-the-scenes detail and embodied empowerment of tattoo art.
Lilith in Libra
Scorpio season invites you to take your partnerships even deeper as you risk the harder aspects of intimacy. Primal Thrill: Take a loving leap with high-flying sky diving.
Lilith in Scorpio
Scorpio season invites you to explore your urge to possess, and let ungripping become your sexiest form of self-expression. Primal Thrill: Bare it all and tenderize your trust issues with Shibari bondage.
Lilith in Sagittarius
Scorpio season invites you to adventurously probe your inner emotional landscapes. Primal Thrill: Saddle up for wild rides with a Dallas-rodeo-style mechanical bull.
Lilith in Capricorn
Scorpio season invites you to let it go and let it flow as you sample new flavors of power that come from surrender. Primal Thrill: Settle into the rollicking sensation of releasing the wheel with an upside-down rollercoaster ride.
Lilith in Aquarius
Scorpio season invites you to mix your intellectuaism with some carnality as you let your freak flag fly. Primal Thrill: Feast on the communal strangeness of Burning Man-style gatherings.
Lilith in Pisces
Scorpio season invites you to recommit to holding every last sensation tenderly, without your empathy becoming a liability. Primal Thrill: Let yourself get carried by the crowd at a heavy metal concert.
Bess is available for private readings and astro-themed events. Connect with her at Mojaverising.com
Dim all the lights, strip it down to bare skin, and get ready to become your heart’s own private dancer … Cancer Season 2017 marks the zodiac’s violet-colored midnight hour. The moment when our secret emotional treasures are revealed, and we learn to protect the soft, crab meat that lives inside our shells.
It’s a Little Mermaid energy of precious pining for the incarnation of our most tightly held fantasies, and the risky beginnings of living these vivid dreams on the land up above.
So slip on your water wings and prepare to wash all the way back home onto your own shores. You belong to the night. You belong to all your past lives and all the ones you’ve loved. But above all, you’ve got to belong to the longings that live inside of you. Surf’s up.
The keyword: Belonging.
The song lyrics: “I never can forget those nights/I wonder if it was a dream/Those days are gone forever/I should just let ’em go/But I can tell you my love for you will still be strong/After the boys of summer have gone”—Don Henley’s “Boys of Summer”
Check out Mojave Rising’s Cancer season playlist, complete with nostalgic nuggets, classic crooners, and sensitive night movers and shakers.
The color palette: Molluscular and crepuscular—midnight blues and shimmering violets, the opalescent insides of shells, and the darkness just before the dawn.
The style: Boudoir chic meets Ancient Greece. Underwear as outerwear, lace jackets, gold bangles, head dresses, dressing gowns, bedroom eyes, and fancy slippers.
The scents and flavors: Salt-kissed Mediterranean classics and tucked-in, pocket-shaped provisions—dumplings and samosas, mollusks, briny feta, milk & honey, succulent dark kalamata olives, black grapes, and the coastal black currant & cyclamen scent of Oribe hair products.
The healing: Homegrown, nostalgic, and nocturnal—pouring over high school yearbooks, revisiting old playlists, DIY salt bathes and clay face masks, storybook romances, and skinny dipping.
Sensuous Invitation of the Month: Summer Nostalgia For Your Moon Sign
Ruled by the Moon, Cancer season invites us to return to the private bedrooms of our souls at the witching hour; our Moon signs represents who we really are when no one else seems to be watching, and how we seamlessly slip into our own skin with comfort and ease.
Below, your sign-by-sign guide to plunging into those long summer nights and returning to your innocent lunacy …
*New to your birthchart? Discover your Moon sign here!
Moon in Aries
Cancer season invites you to find comfort in igniting creative explosions. Summer Nostalgia: Blockbusters. Load up on the buttery popcorn and quicken your fiery pulse with the biggest, most badass action flicks the season has to offer.
Moon in Taurus
Cancer season invites you to relish in the sweet sensations of your beautiful body. Summer Nostalgia: Sun Goddess Beauty. Go full-on St. Tropez with all the classic seasonal palettes and procedures- spray tans, bronzers, salty locks, coral polish, and highlights.
Moon in Gemini
Cancer season invites you to celebrate giving voice to every flavor of your feelings. Summer Nostalgia: Beach Reads. Stock up on juicy paperbacks and back issues of Cosmo to share with friends on the blanket.
Moon in Cancer
Cancer season invites you to plunge straight into your tenderness, and wear it like an empowered badge of honor. Summer Nostalgia: Skinny-dipping. Whether it’s in dangerously exposed afternoon light with friends or lovers, or a midnight solo plunge, embrace what your momma gave you.
Moon in Leo
Cancer season invites you to sink your teeth into the deliciousness of simplicity and practice radically innocent presentism. Summer Nostalgia: Amusement Park Revelry. Ride your way all the way back to the sheer, thrilling joy of living with classic coasters, costumed characters, carnival fortune telling.
Moon in Virgo
Cancer season invites you to discover divinity in all the details and soothe your nervous system with embodied acts of kindness. Summer Nostalgia: Ice Cream Truck Chasing. Delight in dazzling flavor choices and the sweetness of treating your body to a hard-earned reward.
Moon in Libra
Cancer season invites you to fully embrace your romantic ideals and the prettified pleasures of aesthetic beauty. Summer Nostalgia: Classic Sunset. Embrace the pure, straightforward glory of nature’s color palette, no matter how “cheesy.” While you’re at it, throw in a pina colada and getting caught in the rain.
Moon in Scorpio
Cancer season invites you to find soul security by fully acknowledging the power of your emotional intensity. Summer Nostalgia: Backyard Bonfire & BBQ. Turn up the flames and revel in primal, smoked flavors, tiki torches, and limbo poles.
Moon in Sagittarius
Cancer season invites you to let your expansively wild visions become your mobile sense of home. Summer Nostalgia: Roadtripping. Whether it’s a quick weekend getaway, or an all-out cross country voyage, lose the maps, and let it all unfold beyond the dashboard of your nomadic dreams.
Moon in Capricorn
Cancer season invites you to love up on your deep need for quality, standards, and the richness of emotional maturity. Summer Nostalgia: Yacht Cruise. Go luxe and live the good life with classic nautical wear, caviar, and self-sufficient ship steering.
Moon in Aquarius
Cancer season invites you to find your own eccentric sense of family and revel in the looniness that drives your spirit. Summer Nostalgia: Adult Camp. Collide with new besties and celebrate renegade utopian communities with everything from paintball to craft making and sing-a-longs.
Moon in Pisces
Cancer season invites you to dive into the fantasy life and find sustenance with boundaryless dreams of worlds unseen. Summer Nostalgia: Pool Party. Get your mermaid chic on and let the no-holds-barred dream time flow with slip n’ slides, giant animal rafts, and magical multi-colored blender beverages.
The Cancer Full Moon opens a portal of transformation, if we can process our feelings, get inspired, and stay present in the now, says Sandra Sitron.
Wolf Moon :: January 12 2017 :: 6.36am EST :: 22 degrees Cancer
This Moon is like a lullaby. She sings, “Find the softest part of your psyche. Open there just a little bit more. Somewhere there is a vulnerable part of you that is ready for a change. It’s time to heal. Shed a protective layer. Turn a wall into a ladder.”
You are in a moment of incredible growth. The Cancer Full Moon is offering you an opening. It’s transformational. The Cancer Full Moon is opposite the Sun in Capricorn. Capricorn is ambition and Cancer is nurturance. The Moon is the ruler of Cancer and she is nice and comfy in her sign right now. Yet this energy can feel so loud. Emotions come to their full blossom or their full boil. And the Cancer Full Moon chart is packed with heightened astrological energy. Let’s delve in…
The Moon and It’s Message
Pine trees in the moonlight.
Trees standing straight and tall, like you. The trees house an internal drama. There is a veil of peace and serenity, yet within each tree is a Universe. Cells multiply. Moss grows and birds sing. Sap flows and insects die. For the tree, time is different. Maybe it’s more like a series of rings and less like a straight line. Your message is to root yourself down and hold yourself up. Remind yourself that nothing is as it seems. The Cancer Full Moon wants you to remember that everything is more complex and more simple than you think. Capricorn Sun is Father and Cancer Moon is Mother. Hold yourself like a baby and let yourself truly experience the mysteries of the world. On this first Full Moon of the year, you are an infant. Let yourself be in awe of the enigma.
Moon Inconjunct Saturn.
The Moon is in her own sign and inconjunct Capricorn’s ruler, Saturn. Your feelings may get hurt. The squishy, vulnerable parts of you may feel like they are spotted by everyone. You can’t hide. Your old stuff is ready to be drawn out and healed. But the process may be downright frustrating. Find a structure for your emotions. Here’s one:
Step 1: Forgive yourself. If your emotions are causing behaviors you aren’t too proud of, accept it.
Step 2. Define your feelings. What is this feeling called?
Step 3: Identify the pattern. When was the first time you felt this way (high school or before)? If you can’t answer that, try this one. Name three character traits of the person(s) involved. Who else in your formative years also had these traits? A parent? Yourself?
Step 4: Go back and hug the child/teenager part of yourself that needs the hug. You are an adult now. You can nurture that inner child and tell them it’s going to be okay. Sit the little imaginary version of you on your lap and rock them.
Step 5: Process. This could mean different things… journaling, apologizing, writing an affirmation about how you would like to feel, or talking about it.
This 5-step process can be used whenever high emotions feel frustrating. Keep at it. It brings together the nurturing nature of the Moon and the structural energy of Saturn and the Capricorn Sun.
The Grand Cross Pattern
Stuck in a doorway.
The Grand Cross pattern is made up of Sun and Pluto opposite the Cancer Full Moon and squaring the opposition of Jupiter Uranus. Two oppositions. 4 squares. It looks like a giant square in the sky with a cross in the center. It’s a cardinal grand cross. The cardinal energy is initiative. Cardinal means “hinge,” which describes walking through a doorway into a new beginning. A new door opens. But the grand cross itself can feel like stuck energy. It’s like you being pulled in four different directions. Whatever portal you need to walk through on your healing journey, this is you standing in the doorway.
You’ve got your arms and legs outstretched and clutching to the door-jam. It may feel scary. It may feel like there is something on the other side that you shouldn’t see. Something will either push you through or you will retreat. Who’s to say which is better for you at this moment? The important thing for now is that you honor your experience in this moment. Your arms and legs are the grand cross. There is a sense of being pulled in many directions. How do you stand in the middle of this storm? How do you hold your center? How do you breathe through it? You need an anchor. It needs to be spiritual. It needs to be inspiring.
Which brings us to our next clue…
Venus Conjunct Neptune
A magic wand.
Venus is exactly conjunct Neptune. These two are buddying up and creating a Thor’s Hammer aspect pattern with the Moon and Jupiter. Don’t underestimate the powerful energy that you are emitting at this very moment. You’re sending out vibrational beams that are attracting more of the same to you right now. Find a way to funnel your energy. Make yourself into a magic wand.
Enchanting, lovely Venus and Neptune together can help you to transcend. If the balance is out of whack for you right now, you may find yourself locking into the lower vibes of Neptune—drugs, alcohol, bewilderment. Keep yourself inspired. The verb “to inspire” means both to fill with an animating, quickening, or exalting influence, and to draw in air.
Do both. Focus on your breathing. And then find something that inspires you by engaging your sense of purpose. Use this inspiration to funnel your thoughts and emotions. This is how you activate the power of the magic wand that the Cancer Full Moon chart is presenting you with. How to connect with your higher-self. Probably you do this through meditation. Maybe you listen to inspiring music. Maybe you create something. You will have to get out of your typical thinking-cycle for a handful of moments. Keep leading yourself away from the swirling thoughts. You will keep returning, but you can keep leading yourself away. Focus on the moment. Like when you’re making your coffee in the morning. Or washing your hands. There is so much magic in the moment. The “now” will help you move through the doorway to the next stage of your healing journey.
Summary: This is a powerfully energetic time. Allow your feelings. Get ready to change and heal. If you feel stuck, pulled in four different directions, vulnerable, or confused—that’s okay. You will move through the doorway by processing your feelings, inspiring yourself and staying present in the now.
The below suggestions are for self-inquiry by sign to help you work more deeply with the energies of the Cancer Full Moon. For a more accurate reading, check where 22 degrees Cancer falls in your birth chart, and also read for that house…
Aries or 4th house.
In what area of your life do you wish for more security? How old is the part of you that wants security? Can you give more empathy to that part of you?
Taurus or 3rd house.
What would you like to be able to believe in? What is stopping you?
Gemini or 2nd house.
What are you building in your life? What is your most valuable asset when it comes to this task?
Cancer or 1st house.
What would you like to say “Yes” to? What would you like to say “No” to? What is blocking you from asserting your desires?
Leo or 12th house.
Ask yourself, “what feeling am I not allowing myself to acknowledge?” What comes up?
Virgo or 11th house.
What are your hopes for the future? Who in your community will support you?
Libra or 10th house.
What are the structure or systems in your life that you are ready to simplify?
Scorpio or 9th house.
Can you make a commitment to explore a new place or philosophical idea this week?
Sagittarius or 8th house.
Where in your life can you let go of control? What does the idea of spiritual surrender mean to you?
Capricorn or 7th house.
Who do you think you could be more open with? How might that change the relationship?
Aquarius or 6th house.
Is something stopping you from feeling grounded? If so, what?
Pisces or 5th house.
What can you do to bring more playfulness and lightness into your life?
The Scorpio New Moon is an invitation to journey deep inside—so that we may emerge reborn, says Sandra Sitron…Artwork: i MANIPULATE
On Sunday October 30th at 1:38 pm ET (17:38 UTC) we have a New Moon at 7 degrees Scorpio.
The Moon and it’s message: “Cradle your heart in your hands.”
This Scorpio New Moon asks you to get quiet, so that you can hear her persistent whisper…Slow down. Study yourself. Prepare to let go of that which is no longer serving you. Be brave. Trust yourself. Cup your hands around your heart in honor and protection. Be your best witness. Hold space for yourself. Listen to the quiet, still, emotions that have been buried beneath “busy-ness” and action.
Your job right now is to Be. Your job is not to Do.
Every New Moon marks a new beginning; a time to plant seeds of intention for the upcoming Moon cycle. To visualize the manifestations of the coming 28 days. And the Scorpio New Moon especially is here to show us what needs to be eliminated in order to make room for the new.
In the Northern Hemisphere, the Scorpio New Moon arrives with the season of Autumn in its fullness. It invites us to witness the trees as their leaves fall away. The leaves are ready to die, to decay, to go back to the earth. The leaves have served their purpose. The tree trusts this. There is no effort in letting the leaves fall away. The only action is to let go—trusting that the next cycle will bring new leaves.
Scorpio tells us about cycles. As such, it rules Sex. Birth. Death. Rebirth. You may not fully understand the cycle that you are moving through. But trust that you are moving. You may not understand why letting go is so important. Yet let go you must. This watery, intuitive moon is not about logic. So let go of logic and open your heart to trust.
But also, don’t expect to be shown the easy way out.
Scorpio’s ancient ruler is Warrior Mars, while her modern ruler is Transformational Pluto. She will challenge you. She will prod you. This Scorpio New Moon may poke at your underbelly. May knowingly turn your eyes to what is decaying in your life. She wants you to see what is ready to be burned and transformed. She wants to help you eliminate the old to make room for the new.
The challenge of this Scorpio New Moon is to explore our deepest, most habitually fixed emotional reactions. The emotional grooves that are scored deep into the nooks and crannies of our psyche. Want catharsis? Recognizing these buried emotions could bring a lot to the surface. Releasing them could set a fresh new cycle in motion. So show up courageously. Look closely at your wounds. Don’t shy away from intensity.
Look at the part of your life that you are trying to control. Scorpio rules letting go AND control. Can you loosen your grip?
Ask: what are your thoughts and feeling about this area of your life? Is there some fear there? If so, is the fear triggered by a thought? What is the thought? Why do you believe the thought? What proof is there? When was the first time you thought this? What was going on in your life at that time? Is there another thought that could replace it? How would you like to feel instead?
Free up some time this weekend to just sit quietly and see what comes up. Scorpio archetypes are the Detective, the Researcher, and the Psychologist. It is the job of all these archetypes to search and uncover. To reveal a hidden truth. Do this with your emotional self. Take a steady, close look beneath the surface.
Then slow down. Trust. Witness. Let go. Cradle your heart in your hands.
Read on for the cosmic aspects at play PLUS New Moon self-inquiry by sign…
NEW MOON CONJUNCT MERCURY
The pitter patter of rain.
Chatty Mercury joins the Scorpio New Moon to help communicate to you what you are ready to let go of. These communications may be quick and persistent, like the pitter patter of rain. All you have to do is allow the message to come through. Mercury is bringing lots of ideas and new information. Areas of your life that you think you have all figured out may be ready for new interpretations. Get ready to start up a conversation with your highest self.
NEW MOON TRINE NEPTUNE
Finding your way through the maze.
Dreamy Neptune is in a harmonious Trine aspect with the Scorpio New Moon. This energy will help you open up to your intuition to receive a message from across the veil. The symbol promises that if you use all of your senses and follow your best hunch, you will arrive at your destination. Let your third eye help you navigate.
You are ready to go inward. Explore your deep feelings. Let the unnecessary fall away. The leaves have fulfilled their purpose. Let them go, reflect, and prepare for the next cycle.
NEW MOON SELF-INQUIRY BY SIGN :: For a more accurate reading, see which house in your birth chart contains 7 degrees Scorpio.
Aries or 8th House
What desires are you avoiding? What is blocking you feeling into what you truly want? What do you see when you lean into the feeling you would like to have right now?
Taurus or 7th House
Are you holding on to any assumptions about relationships that you are ready to let go of? Where did these ideas originate? Can you see how they are no longer serving you?
Gemini or 6th House
Is anything preventing you from making healthy choices for your body? What is one habit you can let go of this week that feels aligned with your goals for your health?
Cancer or 5th House
What is blocking your creative self-expression? Why are you allowing this to persist? How might you bring more creativity and fun into your life?
Leo or 4th House
Take a moment to tune into yourself and have your notebook ready: If your inner child could talk to you, what would she tell you right now? Is there a pattern she is holding onto that she is ready to let go?
Virgo or 3rd House
What is coming up for you mentally right now? What are the ideas that won’t go away? How can you pay attention Do you see any assumptions that are influencing you in relation to this topic?
Libra or 2nd House
What is blocking you from realizing your self worth? What limiting beliefs are behind any instances of poverty consciousness (“I am not enough / There is never enough”?)
Scorpio or 1st House
Let yourself breathe more fully, and see if you can get more deeply in touch with yourself. What is blocking you from expressing your unique energy in the world? How can you step past this?
Sagittarius or 12th House
What is the dominant feeling surfacing for you right now? What’s it like to feel this way? Journal on this feeling and then ask yourself: What can I let go of in order to heal?
Capricorn or 11th House
Jot down some hopes and dreams for your future. Who in you might interfere with your goal? (Can you give a name to the part of you that may interfere? Can you have a conversation with that part?)
Aquarius or 10th House
Where would you like to be ten years from now in regard to your career? Can you imagine how you might get there? What must you let go of to realize your greatest ambitions for yourself?
Pisces or 9th House
What deeply held beliefs have you found yourself questioning? How could you chose to see things instead? How could this help you progress on your spiritual path?
WTF does “sober curious” mean anyway? Allow me to explain…
:: MONDAY :: (and basically on my mind all week)
So the Pisces and I have embarked on a fuck-off road trip for the majority of October (planned very last minute, but totally fitting for my Aries Tarotscope this month)—and we kicked things off seeing LCD Soundsystem at the Austin City Limits festival last night. Coincidentally our favorite band just happened to be playing in the first city and on the first night of our trip. Thank you, Universe!
Those who follow me on social media will also know that I had a couple of beers at the festival (three, to be precise), which in turn led to a couple of comments from people asking “erm, what happened to #highsobriety?” Comments that were quite justified, since having begun hosting my Club SÖDA NYC events this year I have been talking a lot about my journey leading a more sober life.
These comments also made me realize I can’t then just randomly go drink a beer without properly explaining myself! As such, I have decided to share my sobriety story here this week—which I have done in person at my Club SÖDA NYC events (stands for Sober Or Debating Abstinence btw), but never in a post on this site. So here goes.
Having been a habitual binge drinker for the majority of my 20s and 30s, I have spent the past six years slowly but steadily unlearning the habit of reaching for a drink on autopilot in any and all social situations.
Why? Well firstly the hangovers had become pretty fucking unbearable as I entered my middle 30s, and never really worth the short-lived buzz of the night before. But on a more sinister note, I had also been able to pinpoint alcohol as, if not exactly the cause, then a major contributing factor to the daily anxiety and overall sense of doom that had begun to cloud my days.
I only made the connection recently, but this coincided with me first learning to meditate back in 2010—and subsequently having my first ideas about creating The Numinous. And stepping deeper onto my spiritual path over the following months and years, I began to question the nature of the “high” that I (we?) got from alcohol.
The more I worked on healing my emotional wounds (much of which is documented elsewhere on this site), and the deeper a connection I forged with what felt like my whole / true / spiritual self as a result, the more I began to feel naturally high a lot the time. The question became; why did I (we) even “need” alcohol, anyway?
But no way was this process proving to be a walk in the park. Booze was (is) everywhere, not to mention it being a highly addictive (in fact the most addictive) drug. They say the definition of madness is repeating the same behavior and expecting a different outcome—and considering I spent the next few years resolving not to drink, drinking anyway, then feeling like shit and hating myself for it, it could also be said that alcohol was beginning to drive me crazy.
So eventually, a little over a year ago, I asked a friend to bring me to a couple of AA meetings. By now I was only drinking maybe once or twice a month (versus what had been three or four times a week). But if I was still having a hard time saying “no” in certain situations—or else obsessing over the next time I would “allow” myself a drink—I must be in denial about a more serious drinking problem, right?
And while I could immediately see what an amazing source of support AA is to the people the program resonates with, sitting among these brave souls I felt like an imposter. When it came time to introduce myself with the classic: “hi, I’m Ruby and I’m an…” the word “alcoholic” stuck in my throat like a puke-inducing tequila slammer.
Some people might say I was (am?) simply in denial, but I had already made so much progress cutting back on my drinking by this point, it was hard to swallow the idea I was “powerless over alcohol” (the way they frame alcoholism in AA). I also knew from conversations I’d begun having with other friends that no way was I the only one who felt this way. And so I got a bunch of us together to talk about it over a pot-luck dinner at my apartment. Which was essentially the first Club SÖDA NYC meet-up.
We shared our stories, along with our conflicted feelings about booze (could be so much fun! but at such a high price…), and it felt good, and right, to shine a light on the shame and confusion most of us felt about this. Questions that came up were along the lines of: does continuing to drink even when life is generally better when you don’t make you an alcoholic? If so, does this mean total abstinence is the only answer? Or is it possible to be mostly sober, and still drink in a high-vibe way from time-to-time?
These questions are at the heart of a conversation I’ve since been having a lot, not to mention a subject I’ve been doing more and more research on. And besides plenty of soul-searching and at times painfully honest self-inquiry, discussions at Club SÖDA NYC events and a few great books (listed at the end of this post) have led me to draw the following conclusions:
1. Our brain chemistry is designed to a) seek pleasure and b) avoid pain, causing us to repeatedly seek out anything that ticks these boxes. And so, since alcohol is a substance that a) provides pleasure by b) numbing pain, human beings are essentially pre-disposed to become addicted to alcohol.
2. Since we are old enough to understand that certain behaviors lead to certain outcomes, we are conditioned to believe(by society, media, and relentless marketing) that drinking alcohol a) provides pleasure and b) numbs pain. Also, that it is a necessary component to any and all social situations, celebrations, dance parties and first dates, and that it makes miserable days feel more okay.
I’ve billed subsequent Club SÖDA NYC events as being for the “sober curious,” which basically sums up the way I feel about my journey with sobriety today—much of which has meant getting curious about the above findings, in both my thinking and my life choices.
It has meant questioning the nature of addiction, and the stigma we attach to alcohol addiction in particular. For example, you’d probably be happy telling people you’re addicted to coffee…but alcohol, not so much. But if evolution (not to mention a lifetime’s social conditioning) has pretty much set us up to believe alcohol is the answer to…let’s see…the existential crisis known as “being human,” then where’s the shame in simply acknowledging this?
After all, as Brené Brown teaches in Daring Greatly, shame-breeds-secrecy-breeds-stigma-breeds-shame—and shining a light on that shit is the only way to end the cycle, as any AA advocate will also tell you. (Despite the whole “anonymous” part kind of playing into the secrecy-stigma-shame game in my opinion…which is also NOT to dismiss how invaluable the support provided by AA is for many millions of people! Jeez. This can be such a slippery conversation.)
Living sober curious has also meant facing a lot of sober firsts. If my journey thus far had got me comfortable with sober dinners and sober networking events, say, now it was time to attempt my first sober wedding, first sober vacation, first sober nightclub, first sober family visit. A.k.a. the drinking occasions I had held onto as sacred (read: not going to be much fun / even doable without a drink).
And turns out that some of these things are amazing—if not waaaay better—sober, and that some are not as much fun / even worth doing without alcohol. Which I basically see as my soul telling me to a) either not do those things, or b) accept that life is simply not endlessly entertaining / enjoyable!
Because last but by no means least, living sober curious has meant getting super comfortable with the fact that being human is not—and is not supposed to be—comfortable. We are designed to experience a whole range of feelings on a daily basis, some “good,” some “bad,” and all in service of keeping us in alignment with the choices that are in our highest good. Feels good? Do more of it. Feels bad? Either don’t do it, or do something to make it feel better (like, maybe actually have that “difficult” conversation with your mom versus getting wasted on rosé next time you have to see her). Option three? Simply sit with it, feel it, and allow it to pass. (It will pass).
The way I see it, alcohol momentarily overrides the “feeling bad,” thus providing a fake “feeling good.” The problem being that we then never get around to addressing whatever it was that was making us feel like shit in the first place. And so another soul-destroying cycle is perpetuated.
And well, at this point on my sober curious journey, I can tell you that consistently choosing not to drink feels fucking GREAT. Feels confident, calm, safe, focussed, enthusiastic, engaged, and energized. And that it’s also great when it feels awkward, sad, angry, lost, or lonely—because it turns out all these feelings are just part of my human experience, and so choosing not to numb them out feels like choosing to be fully ME.
So then why drink those beers at ACL? Why not show up fully “conscious,” fully myself, to an experience I could pretty much guarantee would be awesome without alcohol?
The short answer is that dancing under the stars to my favorite music is still one of the very few (if not the only) drinking occasion I still hold sacred. Sacred as in…a way to connect to the undefinable, numinous, part of me that is pure sensation, pure experience. Yes, there are other (low and high-vibe) ways to attain this state—but as humans have known since the dawn of civilization, one other use for alcohol is to get there fast. Like, in the 90 minutes LCD Soundsystem are on stage. If (and it’s still an “if”) I choose to keep alcohol in my life at all going forward, it will be solely for…dancing under the stars to my favorite music. Like a Pagan.
Which is about where this becomes a tricky conversation again.
Because the sober stalwarts might say this is just my addiction talking…and to be fair, I might well agree with them. Is it fucked up that I’m also kind of okay with that? Yes…I guess…because they might also say that it’s irresponsible of me to be preaching the joys of #highsobriety, and then go drink a beer (or three)! Even if it’s only once or twice a year. And I take this on board whole-heartedly, since I know that my path to semi-sobriety is unique to me—and that, for many, alcohol poses more of a serious if not a deadly threat.
If this is you, then I bow to your sobriety, and to your spiritual resilience. You are an inspiration.
For now, this is who I am, and this where I’m at on my sober curious journey. I’d love to hear where any of you reading stand on the issues it’s brought up—since the more sharing, and the less shame, secrecy and stigma about alcohol and the slippery, slippery subject of alcohol addiction, the better.
FURTHER READING –
The next Club SÖDA NYC event will be on December 1 2016 in NYC. Sign up for our newsletter for more details as they are announced.
More evidence of real Moon magic, the argument for “oracle abuse,” and why there is no 13th zodiac sign…
:: MONDAY ::
Fittingly for Moon day (yes, Monday is named after the moon—which, in my opinion, is why/because Mondays are often so moody…nothing to do with the post-weekend blues) I found myself reading an article on new scientific research that showed how the phases of the Moon are linked to major earthquakes and tsunamis. This after Japanese scientists analyzed more than 10,000 earthquakes, and found they were more likely to occur during Full or New Moons.
It’s all linked to the tides, which are controlled by the Moon, since even the teeniest extra water pressure on the earth’s tectonic plates can be enough to trigger a major quake-causing shift. Which I read as yet another example of the scientific and the mystical coming (back) into alignment! Think about it. In astrology, the Moon is said to govern our emotions—which, in turn, are represented by the element of water. And if fluctuations in the ocean’s tides (as dictated by the Moon) are behind tectonic shifts in the natural world—then it is swings in our emotional states that often lead to the big evolutionary shifts in our lives.
Which is why I’m soooooo into Moon sign astrology. For me, our Moon sign is the one to pay attention to when it comes to connecting to our most deeply-rooted (like core-of-the-earth deep) human needs. Plus, if we want to surf the waves—opposed to being dragged down and under by emotions that can feel like a tsunami sometimes—here’s yet more (scientific!) evidence that it pays to pay attention to the phases of the Moon.
:: TUESDAY ::
Book launch for Gabrielle Bernstein’s The Universe Has Your Back, where Gabby shared how while writing it she had actually been feeling utterly disconnected from spirit. Her answer—spoken like a true #spiritjunkie—was to go deeper into her spiritual practice. Which got me thinking, since earlier today I also heard the term “oracle abuse” for the first time—meaning an over-reliance on messages from “the other side,” versus trusting our own voice and intuition.
It’s a subject Numi contributor Victoria Cox covered brilliantly in this article, and for me, there’s a fine line between tapping IN, and using spiritual tools to “escape” from what’s going on in the here and now of our human existence. And…you can read more from Gabby on the subject of tuning in vs. numbing out in an interview I’m running with her this Sunday—which also happens to be her 11-year sober anniversary…
:: WEDNESDAY ::
Since the whole world is freaking out about NASA and the 13th zodiac sign, I commissioned this excellent piece which explains the whole sitch perfectly. PLUS will make you lol HARD over just how accurate regular ol’ astrology really is!
:: THURSDAY ::
First ever vitamin drip at the Ash Center in Manhattan—an upscale functional wellness clinic that is emerging with a new-found optimism following the tragic passing of founder Dr. Richard Ash. What struck me as I sat with the IV feeding me a mega-dose of vitamins B and C, new MD-in-Chief Anthony Lyon’s little dog Champagne on my lap and sipping from a cup of green tea, was the family vibe of the place. It’s a huge testament to how loved Dr. Ash was that his former colleagues have banded together to continue in his name. And honestly, the atmosphere up here is a panacea in itself. As for the drip? I walked out SO. BUZZED. Favorite new healthy treat.
:: FRIDAY ::
Prepping for a ROAD TRIP!!! The Pisces (husband Simon) has wound up with a whole month off in between jobs, and so we’re heading South to tick a few Numinous must-see travel boxes. Here’s where we’re headed—please comment below with any sights, studios, esoteric stores, and mystics we should try to visit! And follow along on IG for adventures from on the road…
ROSWELL (for the aliens, lol)
Acknowledge your shadow self…unless you want it to act out in unhelpful ways, says The Namaste Guru. Artwork: Erykah Zeledón Salazar
Would you host a tea party for you and all your demons? I stumbled across an Instagram post suggesting just that. I was initially perplexed by the concept. If you’re entertaining your negative attributes, doesn’t that mean you’ll continue to engage in negative actions?
Upon researching the concept of the shadow self however, I came to understand the post was not about encouraging your inner dark side—but acknowledging it even exists, for the purpose of keeping it under control.
According to Jungian psychology, the shadow self is the unconscious aspect of the personality which the conscious ego does not identify in itself. To help us maneuver our shadow, psychologist Carl Jung taught the Archetypes Model—developed from the idea that our subconscious mind is divided into different ‘selves’ to help us decipher the varying experiences we encounter.
The “persona” archetype is the positive perception we have of our self and how we desire to be seen by the world. In comparison, the “shadow” archetype is formed by our repressed impulses, fears, desires, and weaknesses.
My introduction to my shadow self unfortunately involved…the devil. As a teenager in a catholic high school I was a late bloomer to alcohol consumption. But after reading an article about LSD-induced spiritual awakenings, I vowed to drop acid one day.
Six years later in college, while on a “drinking, drugging, and fucking” binge in good old NYC, I was offered some acid late into a night of partying. I accepted it as you would accept another drink, solely for the purpose of continuing the fun.
I was so inebriated I’d forgotten my “LSD spiritual awakening” vow…not to mention the fact it might not be ideal to drop acid right after taking a four month course on Dante’s Inferno, while sharing a house with a pit bull.
So naturally, an hour into the trip I found myself in hell on the brink of purgatory, dancing with the devil to John Mayer’s, “Slow Dancing in a Burning Room.” Although initially, the devil didn’t look like the devil, he looked like my bartender friend I met a couple nights ago.
“Do you know me?” he asked as the song began and we started to sway. I laughed at the silly question. “Yes! You’re Anthony!” I chuckled. But then he leaned in and asked, “Do you? Know me?” This is when I began to contemplate if I really knew Anthony, since I’d just met him. Which is when Anthony’s face morphed into that of the devil.
We were wrapped in each other’s arms, on a double helix spiral staircase descending through the earth’s torus vortex and down into Axis Mundi. Waiting at the bottom of the steps were flames, lava, and a bunch of pit bulls waiting to eat me alive.
John Mayer’s voice casually cued, “We’re going down, and you can see it too. We’re going down, and you know that we’re doomed. My dear we’re slow dancing in a burning room.”
“HOLD UP, HOLD UP, HOLD UP!”
“There’s no way, I, deserve this.”
And so I tried to reason with the non-compromising devil, failed, and instead forced a thousand happy thoughts of my mom and best friend into my mind which thankfully manifested my transportation from inferno to purgatory. En route, I was introduced to my shadow self by means of a meander through of my life, which occurs for people who have near death experiences.
Instead of watching all the shitty things I’d done to others, I returned to scenes where people had done shitty things to me—and I was able to feel why they did it and relate to them in ways I’d similarly hurt others. I was able to forgive both them and myself.
I also realized that as a result of my catholic school brainwashing, which included “you’re evil if you have sex, masturbate, drink or do drugs,” I spent most of my life perceiving myself as an angel, even in times when I wasn’t.
For example, I view cheating on a lover as the most despicable act. Then a recent ex who said he wanted to marry me later revealed that he also wanted to become a rock star, fuck women all over the world, and couldn’t see himself being monogamous for the rest of his life. I was unfortunately manipulated into adjusting to his desired lifestyle, and as a result we had many issues over other women.
Eventually, I disregarded my own moral code and cheated on him, my thinking being, “well if he can do it, then it’s okay if I do it.” Boy did this get me into trouble. I was labeled a hypocrite and finally learned that if someone hurts you, it doesn’t make it okay to hurt them in return. I could’ve just dumped him once he revealed who he really was to me.
The overall lesson of my dance with the devil? If you ignore your shadow self and act like there isn’t a side of you that manipulates, lies, cheats, steals or whatever, it will pop out when you’re angry or sad and wreak havoc on your life. And so, in short, I say: “Check yo-(shadow)self before you wreck yo-self!”
Here are 6 ways to acknowledge and keep your shadow self in check:
1) Create protocol lists for when you’re angry, depressed or anxious and refer to them before addressing the people or situations triggering those emotions. My ‘Anger Protocol List’ includes taking time to cool down before talking to the person who made me angry, as well as writing out ways to respond and resolve the issue in a way that is positive and healthy for all involved.
2) Stay on top of your diet. Eating GMO filled snacks and consuming depressants like alcohol when you’re already in a negative place will only feed the shadow! Try eating natural anti-depressants like cashews (thanks to its composition of niacin and tryptophan). Lavender lemonade also reduces stress, anxiety and headaches.
3) Seek out healthy activities. Watch comedies and laugh with your friends, dance, listen to your favorite music, eat delicious meals, and spend time in nature. Surrounding yourself with positivity will help you keep a healthy balance between your persona and shadow archetypes.
4) Create a healing environment and nurture your body and home. Take oil and salt infused baths. Buy flowers for yourself and light candles. Release your thoughts and emotions in a journal to prevent harnessing energy from past experiences. This will help you to live in the present.
5) Exercise, meditate, and do yoga. Keep your endorphins flowing and your energy fluid. Conflict and traumatizing experiences can development blocks within your body’s chakra points. Physical activity, chakra balancing meditation, and Reiki will assist in removing these blocks.
6) Remind yourself of the previous times when your shadow was acting out in your life, and how you responded. Ask yourself what you can do better this time and actually DO THAT. Remember that things did in fact get better. Forgive yourself. Look in the mirror and smile. You’re doing great!
The message of the Capricorn Full Moon is to create structures that allow you to honor and protect your most emotional self, says Sandra Sitron.
We experience a Capricorn Full Moon on July 19th at 6:57pm EDT.
THE MOON AND ITS MESSAGE
“We can be parents to ourselves by adoring and providing for our own Inner Child. Let’s figure it out. Let’s help ourselves grow.”
A Full Moon always creates awareness between two opposite energies. And since it requires a lot of energy to expand into greater awareness, Full Moon vibes are always active, outward, and high-intensity.
The opposite energies involved in this Full Moon are: Sun in Cancer and Moon in Capricorn.
The ancient archetype of Cancer is Mother. Cancer teaches us to actively nurture. Cancer is focused on the personal and the private. Emotions, home and family.
The ancient archetype of Capricorn is Father. Capricorn shows us the importance of building structures and organizations that can function efficiently. This energy teaches how to prioritize what is important to us. Capricorn is focused on the formal and public. Career, institutions, society.
And so the polarities of this Capricorn Full Moon have to do with home vs. professional life, and emotion vs. rationality.
When I did a journey to understand the energy of this Full Moon more clearly, the symbol that came through was: A lizard half submerged in water.
The lizard reminds us to slip down into our emotional waters. To center ourselves in our inner truth, yet adapt to our environment. To find a way to be fluid in where there is structure. To become so efficient and effective that we can remain emotionally robust.
And so any time your actions out in the world feel at odds with your emotional needs during this Moon phase, lean in to what feels self-supportive instead. For example, if you are feeling overwhelmed remember you can always soothe yourself with empathetic words.
To find balance in the beam of this Capricorn Full Moon, call in archetypical Mother and Father energy.
Protect yourself. Create structure in your life. Make sure you are safe and provided for.
It’s all about nurture and love. Show yourself how cherished you are. Give yourself unconditional love.
URANUS IN ARIES
“We are training the vine in a new direction. We are wild, free and autonomous. We take bold action in service of our growth.”
The Capricorn Full Moon also forms part of a T-square, with Uranus in Aries as the focal planet. The symbol that came through for this t-square aspect was: A duel in the wild west.
The Sun and Moon are in the signs that manage the emotional and the vocational. They are trying to reconcile with each other and are simultaneously in a tense aspect to Uranus in Aries—the planet of change in the sign of leadership. The energy of this moment is fraught. This intensity can feel like it leaves us with no option but to make hard and fast decisions, simply for the sake of survival. Impatience, and a desire to take action are running the show.
This aspect can feel like who you are and what you do are being questioned. It can feel like shifts need to be made immediately. Freedom becomes of utmost importance. I call this “eject button” energy. Something’s got to give and it’s got to happen now!
But whenever there is a T-square (which looks like an arrow in the sky, and holds both motivating and challenging energy) we can look to the sign that is unactivated to find resolution—the logic being that if three signs are activated, it’s like a table that has three legs and is missing the fourth. Thing’s are a little wobbly.
The signs that are activated right now are Cancer, Capricorn and Aries—while the unactivated sign (or missing table leg) is Libra.
Libra reminds us that relational skills are needed now. So to work with this Capricorn Full Moon, try to put yourself in other people’s shoes. Veer toward compassion. Communicate with diplomacy. If you get angry, go slow. Allow the adrenaline to subside before you speak. Unless you are facing a true emergency, know that you have time to breathe and decide rationally how to set a boundary.
MARS SEXTILE THE MOON
“We are comfortable with our light and our shadow. We support ourselves by allowing our emotions to flow.”
Action planet Mars is another supportive force for this Capricorn Full Moon. He makes a tender trine aspect to the Sun and a harmonious sextile to the Moon.
Mars is currently in Scorpio, reminding us that all the answers we are looking for are available when we dig deep. Go inward. Find the places in our body where old emotions have been stored. Mars in Scorpio gives us permission to let go. To cry. To go all the way down into our center, to where we feel feel grounded.
Feeling all the things we never let ourselves feel before actually helps us feel safe. To feel whole. It shows us that we are complete. This cathartic process of grieving and letting go is how we can mother ourselves through any conflicting emotions the Capricorn Full Moon may bring up at this time. Your job is to simply allow.
The symbol that came through for Mars sextile the Moon was: A magical cloak that can transport us to faraway lands.
Maybe there is some tool or technique you can use to heighten your experience in this world. Look around. Is there something you can utilize that’s actually right next to you? Something that can help you better navigate your emotional state? It may be a mindset, a meditation, a favorite healer, yoga practice or book. Open you eyes, your heart and your mind, and it will be be easy to find and emotionally supportive.
The symbol that came through for Mars Trine the Sun was: A very young tree growing straight toward the Sun.
This image helps us remember that we find true alignment in striving for our essential truth and nourishing our root system. If you are looking for motivation, pay attention to your emotions. Make peace with limiting beliefs around your family and ancestral system, where you came from. Make sure that you are tenderly telling yourself the whole truth about how you feel.
During this Capricorn Full Moon phase, which will color the two weeks ahead of the August 1 Leo New Moon, make unconditional self-love your guiding principal—and choose your actions accordingly!
Protect and nurture yourself. Be loving toward yourself and create efficient structures designed to make you feel supported. Break free where you need to, but not at the cost of what you have so carefully built. Give yourself time. Through bravely investigating your emotions you will find relief and understanding. You will find your truth and discover new ways to protect it.