“Doing the work”. It’s a phrase that gets thrown around a lot in holistic / alternative wellness circles – but what does it actually mean? Is it like the time I went for acupuncture and was given “homework” to do – little sticky packs of Mugwort, called “Moxa”, to affix to my liver meridian and set light to like incense each night? Fair enough, I had been drinking quite a lot to avoid dealing with a stressful work situation, but wasn’t the state of my liver my practitioner’s to deal with?
Apparently not. If I’ve come to understand anything about how real healing, both physical and metaphysical, works in the past year, it’s this: ultimate wellbeing – just like ultimate abundance, ultimate freedom, and, ultimately I guess, ultimate bliss – is a collaborative effort between myself, whichever practise I happen to be working with at the time, and the all-loving, all-knowing Universe itself.
Looking back over the past twelve months, I can honestly say I’ve had one of the best years of my life. And not because everything just “worked out”, or opportunities fell from the sky like globules of golden bird poop. But in terms of my personal evolution, I feel like I’ve busted through blocks (to borrow just a little self-help speak) I wasn’t even aware were holding me back. Well maybe I was aware…but there’s NO WAY I was going to admit it and deal – not in this lifetime at least.
But deciding to face my demons, be my own knight in shining armour and slay the freakin’ dragon once and for all, looking ahead to 2015 I feel simultaneously like I’ve aged a decade and like I’m ten years younger. And it has not been easy. There have been tears, and there has been anguish. There has been much meditating, much journaling, and much reading of books with “Conversations” and “God” in the title.
But above all, there has been a very conscious decision on my part to actually “do the work”.
When I used to hear that phrase, I’d think it was referring to some kind of mystical alchemy that went on inside the body if you did enough yoga, took enough gong baths, or had enough therapy. As if the divine oneness was watching on, and would do some divine laying on of hands to absolve all your issues once you’d reached a certain quota of zen / worthiness.
2014, which shall forever more be referred to as “the year that changed EVERYTHING”, showed me that it’s actually way more prosaic than that. You want to change something? Move forward in your personal development? Bring about the internal “shift” that’s gonna raise your vibration to attract all the abundance you just know is out there waiting for you into you life? Then babe, the buzzword here is action.
For example, it’s one thing to accept that perhaps your cash flow issues are more to do with your attitude to money than the fact accounts clerks get off on withholding checks owed to you – and a whole other deal to weep buckets in a Family Constellations Therapy session as you see how it’s actually intrinsically linked to your Grandmother dying young, and your own mother not really knowing how to give you love as a result.
But the real work? That happens when you then do the Landmark Forum, and realize you actually have to call your mom and tell her it’s never really been okay that she loved your brother more than you, because she’d basically learned how by the time he came along. And then you actually do call her, and there are buckets more tears, but you end the conversation by telling each other how you feel like mother and daughter for the first time you can remember.
Phew! That’s what I call work. And it’s also where the “mystical alchemy” part comes in, because you know what? I’m facing down 2015 in a better financial position than ever. “Money” equates to “mother” in Jungian therapy after all.
And if dealing with my lack mentality was what I decided I wanted to work on in 2014, once the floodgates had opened it turns out it was time to tackle all the other niggling issues I began to realize were all a part of the jigsaw puzzle. Those feelings of lack…well weren’t they also contributing to my inability to share (the load, my visions, my real feelings)? This was another Landmark revelation – the full story / trauma of which I’ll share (now I’m getting better at it) in a later post.
One of my favorite things of all has been learning to work with my intuition this year – you know, actually act on my gut feelings about things, even if this often means taking the scarier, hairier route. If I started to meditate because I thought it would help me get more clarity and focus, little did I know the work my practise was prepping me for was the ability to first notice my truth, and then go stand in it, no matter how many people it might piss off.
And by meditation, I don’t just mean the ten minutes I manage on a good morning. By bringing the practise of being able to step back from my thoughts to everything I do – a hard core workout, a complicated writing assignment, my super intense / difficult / transformational experience at Burning Man, and, yes, my relationship with my mother, has been some of the most important work of all.
I actually predict that “work” and “money” are going to be big themes for us all in the coming months. In numerology, 2015 is a universal “8” year (you add 2+1+5), which is the number of challenges, personal power, and hard-earned reward for your efforts. In other words, do the work this year and the compensation could be bigger than ever. So here’s how…
First up, you need to define what you want to work on. And I say, go big. No shying away from that “thing”, it’s time to drag the monkey off your back, look it right in the eye and declare: GAME ON. (Oh but clue – the real monkey might not be what you think. Like my money issues turned out to be mother issues, the fact you have a hard time holding onto a relationship is, undoubtedly, all about your DAD).
Now just start looking around for the “way in”. Besides the Family Constellations work and the Landmark (which is pretty hard core, FYI), last year I also tried acupuncture, breathwork meditation, had regular visits with a shaman, hit the mat at The Class with Taryn Toomey, and worshiped at the church of IntenSati. Not to mention that transformational trip to Burning Man. Each and every one of which provided an insight, a tool, or a doorway for me to see into.
WALK. THROUGH. THE. DOOR. Don’t just stand there looking at the portal of opportunity any one of your practises has opened for you. Where the rubber meets the road, is where you choose to take action. It’s one thing to get an intense download about your relationship with your father after a particularly crazy Kundalini kriya, and a whole other ball game when you then send him an email laying out all the deets (yes, this also happened to me last year).
Don’t be shy. As in, don’t shy away from taking the necessary action. And if you’re having trouble working out what that is, it’s probably the thing you least want to do. But you know you have to. In fact, if it makes you cry just thinking about it, that’s probably it. Tears – of emotion, of compassion, of release – are often how you know the work is working.
Finally, you’d better embrace feeling a little bit weird, while all this is going on. Our brilliant Tarotscopestress Louise Androlia (aka Louniverse) is also a holistic life coach, and one of her favorite things is to remind her clients it’s actually normal to feel abnormal when your life is transforming, inside and out. So expect to doubt yourself, expect to feel vulnerable, expect to question your sanity sometimes – just don’t expect it to be a breeze, is what I think she means. After all, if it was meant to be easy, it wouldn’t get called The Work in the first place. But it’s worth it.
Her juices have a cult following on the West Coast…and she’s basically a total babe. This week’s Material Girl is Moon Juice founder Amanda Chantal Bacon, here’s a peek into her Mystical and super stylish World…
Amanda Chantal Bacon shot by Tasya van Ree
What was your entry point into healthy food and juicing? Healthy and body specific eating began around age five with a divine intervention by an ayruvedic doctor. The gateway to serious juice drinking was an apple lemon ginger green juice.
What’s been the most transformational part of your own foodie journey to date? It really dates back to that doctor, who pulled me aside and had me stop eating sugar, wheat and cow’s milk when I was five years old. It turned out to be life defining. This has all been enhanced by working as a fine dining chef, traveling the world’s farmers markets, and experiencing peasant traditions.
How does this tie into your path as a spiritual being? My meditative practice and life experiences are directly affected by the foods I eat. When I’m juicing and eating light sattvic foods, I can tune in and slip out to other dimensions within seconds. I don’t drink any more for this reason, but even eating heavier, cooked foods and meat just adds some time and pranic work to getting the cosmic high. I would have to say that there was a real shift in my spiritual perception when I made a deep commitment to clean eating and drinking.
What’s in your fantasy juice? Love this question…It would be white peaches pressed into fig leaves drunk on a dock in the summertime on Lake Como.
2014 has been a year of SELF-EXAMINATION, TRANSFORMATION and ADVENTURE! Here are 11 posts that made us laugh, gasp, cry…and take a good long look at our lives from the inside (listed in no particular order of awesomeness).
When Alexandra Roxo decided to embark on a hardcore nine-day Ayurvedic cleanse, she had no idea her girlfriend would decide to come along for the ride. Cue tears, tantrums and an ocean of emotion.
Ellie Burrows is pretty sure she’s discovered the secret to online dating. And it’s Tantra. Not super-connected, total body orgasm, tantric sex – rather the energetic concept that makes that kind of sex possible: a balance of the masculine and feminine energies.
Feel so much more powerful knowing he’s on my side…
Dealing with a situation that had left her feeling vulnerable and alone, when Ruby Warrington met her spirit power animal last year…it got emotional. Here’s how to connect with your own beast of the wild unknown.
Yay, you’re going on a yoga retreat! You want to get the most out of your experience, right? Who better than Heather Lilleston and Kumi Sawyers fromYoga For Bad People to lay down some summer retreat etiquette. We’re talking less freaking out, more more F.U.N.
Guru Jagat shot in Venice Beach by Lisandra Valazquez
Guru Jagat is the outspoken face behind the Ra Ma Institute, the only all kundalini yoga studio in California’s Venice Beach. She talks to Madeline Giles about her vision for the Age of Aquarius, life on the 33rd parallel and outsmarting the Global Elite. Conspiracy theories or conscious debate?
Right after a powerful New Moon in multi-faceted Gemini, gifting us an opportunity to embrace the quicksilver side of ourselves, Nadia Noirgives an insight into a life spent searching for “the other me.”
Connfession: My Burning Man Experience was too full-on to be called fun, says Ruby Warrington. But when it comes to life lessons, a week on the Playa delivered pure gold.
Lessons in Kabbalah with Madonna and a “little spiritual trip to Hawaii.” Brooke Candy tells Ruby Warrington how following a more “soulful” path has been a lesson in self-love…
When can drinking a cup of tea make you feel like you’re “melting into kaleidoscopic clouds”? When it’s part of a Living Tea ceremony, says Madeline Giles. Images: Lisandra Vazquez Photography
Setting the scene…
This time last year I enjoyed my tea bagged, bought from Whole Foods. I took jasmine green for breakfast, cacao yerba mate in the afternoon, and chamomile after dinner. If you asked me what I thought about tea then, I probably would’ve said: “It’s a cozy alternative to coffee. It tastes good. I like it. Yum!” And that would’ve been the end of that. Like most Westerners, I related to tea as just a beverage. A constant companion I told my life’s story to, but never considered listening to for a response. I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know there was more!
Then I moved to California, and by the grace of the tea gods, shortly thereafter I experienced my first taste of Living Tea during a love potion consultation. In one simple sip, the Tea pulled me out of my overly contemplative mind and into my body, where I felt transported into that magically meditative place where everything and nothing is known at once. It was heaven and earth alchemized in one simple swallow, and, as dramatic as this might sound, I felt I would never be the same.
“Really good Teas – that I call Living Teas – are from Old Growth forests in the high mountains and valleys of Yunnan, China and Taiwan, where the trees are hundreds and sometimes thousands of years old,” explains Living Tea founder Colin Hudon. We’re seated in his quaint Santa Monica cottage enjoying bowls of Purple Tea, which smells like wildflowers and makes me feel like I’m melting into kaleidoscopic clouds.
The author enjoys a bowl of Purple Tea at a Living Tea ceremony
“If you think about a tree that’s 100 or 500 or 1,000 years old, it’s been gathering and concentrating a profound accumulation of chi – or energy –from the sun, the moon, the stars, the birdsong, the plants, and all the animals it’s encountered over that time. The roots of a Living Tea tree can grow up to 100 meters deep, so they’re pulling up trace minerals and phytonutrients that we don’t get in our regular diet – that most plants we consume don’t have. Then we process it in a certain way and bring it back to life with fire and water. It’s alchemy.”
Hudon began relating to Tea as a Tao when he synchronistically connected with a Taiwan-based Tea teacher during his travels through Asia in 2010. “I stayed for a whole month at [my teacher’s] home, which is also a center called The Tea Sage Hut. I was profoundly moved by my experience there – it really kicked off my whole deep immersion into Tea. Prior to that it was just a curiosity of mine, a hobby.” When Hudon returned to California, he began selling Tea, serving Tea ceremonies, and ultimately inspired a local tea community that’s been growing ever since. Here, he shares the wisdom of Living Tea…
WHAT MAKES LIVING TEA DIFFERENT FROM CONVENTIONAL TEA? The vast majority of Teas I carry are Old Growth, so they’re from hundreds to thousand-year-old trees in wild forests. Unfortunately, 99 percent of tea in the world today is industrialized plantation tea. These tea farmers deprive the soil of certain nutrients so the trees are forced to grow more leaves for sustenance. Then, they pick those trees eight to 12 times a year, sometimes more.
Really good Teas – what I call Living Teas – are only pruned once or twice a year, and sometimes even left for a couple years, to grow as wild trees in the forest. Also, drinking Living Teas and relating to them as medicinal botanical herbs is very different than sipping a cup of plantation tea from Starbucks, or even a bagged tea from Whole Foods.
With Living Tea founder Colin Hudon
CAN YOU SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT USING LIVING TEA AS A TOOL FOR MEDITATION? Oftentimes meditation is about shunning the sixth sense – the mind. In an attempt to turn inwards [various Eastern] traditions often refer to the five senses as distractions to that path. Yet ultimately, we exist in the world – and you still have to get up and pay bills and call your dad and you’ve got to walk the dog and do the dishes, you know? So the question is: How can we bring that degree of mindfulness, of presence, of awareness, of connection, of open-heartedness to the more humdrum, prosaic aspects of our lives?
Tea is one bridge from the inside to the outside, because if I can brew Tea and talk to you and have a daily practice of coming back to this awareness of my body, my being, and of my life through Tea, then I’m building up this energy of mindfulness. And the more you build it up, the more of it you have. Tea is just one of many tools, but it’s a very profound and powerful tool for this – especially if you come back to it every day. It’s also very accessible, whereas for many people, sitting in meditation and observing their breath – doing some form of meditation or yoga or whatever they do – can be very challenging.
WHAT DO YOU RECOMMEND FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE INTERESTED IN DEVELOPING A RELATIONSHIP WITH LIVING TEA? I tell people you can relate to Tea like a person. Every person we meet, we have an impression of them. Some are aggressive, some are loud, some are abrasive, some are gentle and soft and quiet and introspective and creative, and on and on and on. We meet people from so many backgrounds, and you can’t meet a person without also meeting their education, their enculturation, their upbringing, their family – and the place they came from, which is true of Tea, too.
A lot of times when we do these Tea meditations or Tea ceremonies, it’s about the senses initially, but as you drink tea, if you really pay attention, oftentimes images will start to arise and people can see the place from which the Tea came. We say when She or It or the Tea starts to communicate with you, then She or It becomes the teacher. Soon, how long you steep a Tea, how many leaves you use, what type of Tea ware is the most appropriate – all of that is something that the Tea communicates to you, It’s not something you can read in a book.
“Start with just a bowl and a couple leaves…”
HOW CAN PEOPLE WHO DO NOT HAVE ACCESS TO A TEA COMMUNITY GET INVOLVED WITH TEA CEREMONY? When a person starts to open the door to Tea beyond it just being an everyday beverage, it can be overwhelming. People will go, “Do I need to buy all this Tea stuff and do I need to learn all these traditions?” But the essence of Tea as a Tao, as a way, is simplicity. When my teacher, Wu De, introduces people to Tea, he says start with just a bowl and a couple leaves. Four to eight leaves of a large leaf Tea – because if it’s too small, the pieces get stuck in your mouth.
All you need then is just a way to heat your water, a big leaf bowl, and the leaves. Step two is more about the methodology and aesthetics of Tea, whereas step one – bowl, leaves – is about letting all of that go. You can do that alone or invite friends over and explore. It’s not about conversation, it’s about experience.
WHEN I FIRST MET YOU AND TOLD YOU ABOUT MY INITIAL EXPERIENCES WITH THE TEA, YOU SAID, “YOU MUST HAVE GOOD TEA KARMA.” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN TO YOU? There’s a saying in our tradition that as the man seeks the man, so the leaf seeks the man. If a person has a profound respect and reverence for Tea as a path, if they create space in their life for it, then certain types of Tea will find their way into their lives. If a person relates to Tea the same way they relate to any beverage, then a different type of Tea will find their way into their lives – but that’s true of anything. In a sense, we get what we give.
To learn more about Tea as a Tao and tea ceremony, check out LivingTea.Net and Global Tea Hut. Numinous readers can also get a 10% discount on any purchases from Living Tea – just add the code “NUMINOUS TEA” at check out.
Madeline Giles with Living Tea founder Colin Hudon
Amber Locke, a.k.a. @rawveganblonde has gained a cut following for her beautiful and unique farmers’ market art. We meet the woman behind the phenomenon, and ask her…what vegetable would you be?
The artist at work…
How long have you been a Raw Vegan Blonde, and what drew you to the lifestyle? I’ve always been blonde, but only discovered the concept of raw food about 18 months ago! I first read about it on the blog of Ralph Lauren model Valentina Zelyaeva and decided to try it out as an experiment, but I was so blown away with how amazing it made me feel after just a few days, I carried on.
Eating raw gives me incredible energy, improved mental clarity and a general feeling of calmness, harmony and well-being. I’ve become far more in tune with my body and very aware of how what I eat can dramatically affect how I feel both emotionally and physically.
What makes you so passionate about vegetables? For me it’s the fact that fruit and veg not only taste amazing, they’re visually fascinating and have the power to nourish and heal our bodies too. They really are super foods.
And why do you think they’re so beautiful to you? I love the beauty of natural elements, and I’m constantly amazed and delighted by their different shapes, colours, textures, and character. So my designs aim to showcase their unique qualities and reflect the changing seasons of the year, as well as being a celebration of living a healthy lifestyle.
If you were a fruit or a vegetable, which would you be and why? I think I’d probably be a candy beetroot. They look pretty much like a normal beetroot on the outside, but when you slice them, they reveal their amazing pink and white striped flesh and it never ceases to make me smile.
What’s the most out there plant-based experience you’ve had to date? I’m not sure I’ve had an ‘out there’ experience…but I always get a sense of something greater at work when I’m composing my designs. I sometimes stand back and wonder how I did it.
:: M A T E R I A L G I R L ::
My label I love Hermes and although I only own a few pieces (mainly leather goods and scarves) they all have special memories and are so exquisitely made they will last a lifetime.
My shoes I’m addicted to Belstaff boots as they’re so comfy, look great and fit my narrow shins well! I have several pairs and wear them almost all year round.
My fragrance I’ve worn ‘Un Jardin Sur Le Nil’ by Hermes for years. I think the top notes are green mango but I love it as the smell reminds me of tomato leaves which are one on my favourite fragrances along with orange blossom. I’m still pursuing my quest to find the perfect orange blossom perfume and the closest I’ve come across so far is by Jo Malone and I wear this sometimes in the Summer.
My jewels I don’t wear much jewellery apart from my boyfriend’s old Breitling watch which I love as it’s so big and chunky on my wrist, and an antique silver fob chain given to me by my Mother which I wear as a charm bracelet.
My pampering A trip to the hairdressers! I recently took the plunge and had 10” chopped off by the brilliant team at Richard Ward Salon in London, their colourist David Viner is a legend too!
My home I live in a quirky house in a small countryside village. Its part Tudor, part Georgian, part Victorian and part Medieval so it’s a real mix of architectural styles.
My food I love to eat a mainly raw diet so my kitchen is always full of fresh fruit and vegetables and I eat this way at least 90% of the week. I love green smoothies, as well as my beloved high-speed ‘Blendtec’ blender makes them super smooth, rich and creamy.
My awakening I have a very simple morning ritual; I drink a large glass of water (warm water and lemon if I have time) then take a walk with my dog before making a big green juice for my boyfriend and I. We’re really into stronger flavoured spicy juices now the weather has turned colder so I use a lot of ginger, lemongrass, whole lemons and sometimes a bit of green chilli for an extra kick.
My sign I’m a Capricorn
My mantra I don’t really have a mantra as such but I love the line in the Baz Luhrmann song ‘Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)’ which goes: ‘Enjoy your body… it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own’. I think so many people live unhappily with their body but if you can learn to love it and feed, nourish and exercise it properly the rewards of such team work can be incredible.
My healer I think a balanced diet of fresh, natural food can be a great healer – physically, medicinally and emotionally.
My reading I’m fascinated by food so for me it’s any book related to the subject (I have hundreds!) and I really love searching out vintage cookbooks and out of print titles.
My transformation Trying out a raw food diet was a big transformation for me as I had no idea eating this way had the ability to make you feel so good. I think it should be renamed the ‘Happiness Diet’ as it’s almost like nature’s happy pill.
My mission I love to share my passion for fruit and vegetables (through my designs and recipes) and if that encourages or inspires others to eat more of them then that makes me very happy!
Empowering women’s movement, or de facto sex cult? Dani Katz gets intimate with the practise known as Orgasmic Meditation…
“I hate LA, and I hate my life,” I sputter in a flurry of tears, snot and spaz-out, as I drop my purse on the floor of Jamie’s kitchen, and freak way out.
“And my favorite pants are ruined,” I whine, gesturing to the stains dotting the hem, remnants from this morning’s explosion of glass and green at Moon Juice, where my Kundalini teacher dropped an eleven-dollar bottle of algae on my Birkenstock while lamenting the torment of her beloved’s non-monogamous tendencies. “…and everything would be easier if I were dead.”
“And how late is your period?” Jamie smiles, perpetually unfazed by my dark, melodramatic tendencies.
Why I can’t seem to remember that my every twenty-eight day despondency/bad hair day combo is related to the onset of my moon remains one of the more confounding mysteries of being woman. Well, that and our tendency to totally abandon ourselves for the crumbs of affection half-heartedly proffered by the man-children who don’t deserve us.
I reach for my iPhone, and pull up my Period Tracker app.
Period is 1 Day Late.
“I had a feeling,” Jamie nods. “Let’s get you stoned; let’s get you fed; and, let’s get your pussy rubbed.”
While this last zinger might seem wildly inappropriate coming from anyone else, Jamie is a One Taste devotee, an adept in the cult of orgasm, and – as such – her answer to pretty much everything is: Get your clit rubbed.
For those not yet hip to the casual stroking craze that equates orgasm with meditation, and mindfulness with turn-on, Orgasmic Meditation (OM) is a practice focused on female orgasm. It involves two humans, at least one vagina, a timer, a dash of lube, a tightly held container comprised of a very specific configuration of pillows and limbs, and a very (very) precise stroke – a gentle, vertical petting atop the surface of the upper left quadrant of the clitoris with the tip of the left pointer finger, for fifteen minutes.
“Okay,” I sniff, wiping an errant strand of hair from my face. “Can we make that happen?”
“Pfft,” Jamie snorts. “Duh.”
I should probably mention that all three of Jamie’s roommates also OM. Like, religiously, and even then, fanatically, as in several times a day. It’s but a symptom of the One Taste organization’s culty-er aspects – outcroppings of community houses packed tight with pussies keen to be rubbed, and fingers eager to rub ‘em.
“Hey, Dani,” says Jamie’s roommate, Josh, walking into the kitchen all of two seconds later.
“Hey, Josh.”
While Josh and I exchange greetings, Jamie – not one for subtleties – mimes a diddling motion with one pointer finger, while directing the other one my way. She’s a Capricorn; she makes shit happen.
“Wanna OM?” Josh blurts.
For those not living in houses populated exclusively by Orgasmic Meditators, most folks go about finding vaginas to rub, and fingers to rub ‘em on the OM Hub, a private online network available to those who qualify (i.e. throw down the cash for the online course, pass a quiz, and then throw down more for network access; oh, and who aren’t registered sex offenders).
“Anyone near Mar Vista wanna come stroke my pussy today between 3 and 5:30?” reads a sample posting.
The community operates on an any finger/any pussy/anytime philosophy, and the extent to which the randomness of the OM hook-up icks me out has proven prohibitive in my developing any regularity around the practice. To this end, I barely even qualify as a practitioner. Dabbler is probably even pushing it.
“Oh, hi honey,” Jamie said, meeting me at the top of the stairs back when she was first inculcated into the Grand Order of Holy Diddlers. “I’m just gonna squeeze in a quick OM, and then we’ll go.”
I took a seat on the futon in the loft, and texted our friends to let them know we were going to be late for dinner. It wasn’t long before the telltale sounds of turn-on started seeping forth from the backside of Jamie’s bedroom door.
Ew, I thought, scrambling to untangle the earbuds I couldn’t get out of my purse and into my ears fast enough.
It’s not that I’m prude, or shy, or at all delicate when it comes to erotic expression. Still, I just don’t really want to know what my friend sounds like when she’s getting off, much the same way I’m not interested in smelling her used tampons. TMI – way (way) TMI.
Minutes later, a man wearing glasses and a Pokemon t-shirt came strutting out of Jamie’s bedroom. “You next?” he asked, waggling a finger my way – a finger I could only guess was coated in vagina slime.
“Ew,” I snorted, thoroughly put off by the creamy digit aimed in my direction, but moreso the assumption that my holy vag was this random guy’s for the stroking.
When it comes to touching my vagina, the list of those who qualify for the privilege is short, and contained – lovers, gynecologists, the occasional nurse practitioner, and the Russian lady who waxes my bikini line. Hired tenders aside, it’s a highly restricted area, reserved for those I deem special/worthy enough to handle both the sacred wonderfulness that is my labia, as well as my heart, because – like so many people in our culture and maybe on the planet in general, I am programmed to believe that the regions are inextricably bound. As such, unless I’m in a relationship, my pussy doesn’t get much play.
Thus is the beauty of the OM – once she who is grossed out by the culture figures out how to meander her way around its ickier aspects. Hanging out at Jamie’s, as I’m now realizing, is a fantastic method to this end.
“Yes, please,” I say.
“When?” asks Josh.
“Now.”
And so it is that I’m dropping chlorella-stained trou in Josh’s room, while he places a washcloth in the center of “The Nest” – which is really just a yoga mat surrounded by half-moon meditation cushions strategically placed for my head, my thighs and his ass, but which will be honored as holy, and thus entered with the implicit understanding that while so cradled, there will be no canoodling, and no reciprocity. Just pussy-stroking. For fifteen minutes, no more, no less.
“Are you comfortable?” Josh asks, pulling my leg over his thigh, and arranging his foot so that it’s flat against mine.
I catch myself before asking How are we defining our terms? Because, while sure, I’m enjoying a semblance of ergonomic ease, I am also naked from the waist down, lying with my legs splayed to reveal my six days un-groomed pussy as a relative stranger dangles his arm over my thigh. Which – while fine – has me feeling more than a little vulnerable. Plus, there is the matter of warm-blooded man hands touching my inner thigh, of palm against flesh, and – um – the novelty of the connection and the alchemy on this unique, raw and dense plane of purely physical exchange. Which is all to say, comfortable isn’t the first descriptive that comes to mind.
“Uh-huh,” I chirp, because now is not the time for heady unravelings of my mental state, and because Jamie got me stoned while Josh arranged the pillows, and I’m just blitzed enough not to give a shit what he thinks of my spread eagled lady bits.
“Okay, I’m going to ground you, now,” Josh says, mashing his palms along the surface of my thighs.
It’s standard, The Grounding, as is the practice of announcing whatever touch is about to happen. It lends a sterile, business-like vibe to the exchange, which I happen to appreciate. As impersonal as we can keep our interaction, the better, I say. Josh is not my lover. Josh isn’t even a friend. Josh is the guy attached to the hands that are right now mashing my thighs, and my pelvis, and is getting ready to—
Oh fuck, I think, just now remembering the sequence of events, because it’s been a while.
The Noticing.
Please don’t do The Noticing, I think, suddenly observing mild sensations of panic. Please don’t do The Noticing.
It’s my least favorite part of the practice, The Noticing, wherein the stroker ogles the vag in front of him and then shares his visual observation. Out loud.
“I’m noticing that you have one pubic hair that’s really straight, and poking straight up towards the ceiling,” a stroker once told me, as I wished a hole would open up in the ground beneath me, and swallow me at once.
“The outside of your lips are, like, a really dark pink, almost like cranberry juice,” noticed another, as my cheeks turned a similar shade, and I stared at the ceiling and wondered why any and all references to my vaginal “lips” creep me out so hard.
Please don’t do The Noticing, I psychically beg/command.
That Josh actually skips The Noticing is as much a testament to the anti-Noticing trend Jamie will later tell me is sweeping the community at large as it is to my psychic authority. No matter. Noticing isn’t happening. I’m golden, I think, grateful to have escaped the humiliation of Josh’s take on the whitehead lodged inside my inner thigh crease, as he starts the timer on his smartphone, snaps on a pair of latex gloves, and goes about sliding a hand underneath my ass.
“I’m going to touch your introitus now.”
Safeporting, they call it, the resting of the stroker’s thumb against the vaginal opening. I guess it’s supposed to help the strokee to feel held, to quell any lurking fears of floating up and toward the ceiling, of slipping through the cracks of an air vent and being forever lodged in the crawlspace with no pants on. Jamie has developed this annoying habit of rolling the term into her everyday lingo to reference any sort of safeguarding.
Like the time we were invited to our friends’ house for dinner, after a particularly awkward series of texts and naked hot tub gropings, and she said: “I know Michael and Katrina keep trying to fuck you, but don’t worry. I’ll be right there, safeporting you the whole time.”
I appreciated the sentiment, but, the languaging? Um…ew.
“I’m going to touch your pussy, now,” Josh announces as his lube-globby finger makes contact with my clit.
They’re big on the P-word, these Orgasmic Meditators. On the one hand, it’s refreshing, especially given how many Tantra intensives I’ve attended wherein the words yoni and punani are tossed around like so much New Age-appropriated Far Easterly exotica.
Still, if one more soft-eyed dude wearing three-day beard scruff and a rudrakshra mala wrapped around his sacred geometry tattooed wrist greets me by mashing his hands together at his curiously hairless heart chakra, bending at the waist, and purring Namaste, I might have a stroke. To this end, I’m all for the P-word. And yet, I find something slightly confrontational about its ubiquity, as if those who OM are wielding the word in the hopes of inspiring discomfort, verily daring those within earshot to take issue with their languaging, and their lifestyle.
“Okay,” I sigh, narrowing my focus of attention to the point of contact between Josh’s finger and my clit, while expanding my awareness around all the sensation said contact is generating.
“Why can’t you just do it yourself?” my mother prods when I meet her at Pilates a week later, wanting to not be disturbed by this, yet another comfort zone-challenging ritual in which her daughter is dabbling, and yet still not getting it.
It’s not that I can’t; it’s that I don’t. I tend to forget that a) I have a bundle of nerves in my vagina that tingle when stimulated; and b) I can stimulate them whenever I want to. I’m a heady gal – “an upper chakra creator” as Trish, my go-to psychic, likes to say. More often than not, I forget I even have a body, let alone that caressing it is an option. But, even if I chose to remember, OMing and masturbating are not the same thing.
“Ooohh…” Josh groans, clearly navigating a surge of arousal as the tip of his finger waggles up and down and up and down and up and down along the top of my clit.
OMing is an exchange – of trust and vulnerability, and of grunts and desire, but mostly of the electro-chemical polarities that attract masculine and feminine.
“I felt this electrical jolt – like a lightning bolt – shooting out of your clit and into my finger, where it traveled up my arm, across my chest, into my heart, down into my cock, and out my other arm, like a circuit, and then it just kept circulating for the rest of the OM,” said Lance, a guy who once stroked me while I was crashing at Jamie’s, and we were Sharing Frames after the stroking part, which isn’t quite as cringey as The Noticing, but is sort of in the ballpark.
The point is that something larger, magnetic and infinitely more mysterious happens when fingertip strokes clit in this specific way and inside of this container – something that doesn’t happen when I’m jerking myself off.
It’s the electro-chemical exchange that inspired me to try Orgasmic Meditation in the first place, back when I was cozy in a monogamous love thang, and my partner and I read Slow Sex together at a Colorado hot spring, and thus grooved on Nicole Daedone’s whole down with stimulation, up with sensitivity/awareness philosophy, and took to a daily OM practice.
“Achoo!” sneezed then boyfriend.
“Wow!” I said, shivering, because I felt his sneeze in my own body as palpably as if it were my own.
I liken it to Vipassana meditation, wherein the prolonged practice of scanning the body for sensation strips away the walls and shadows that obscure our hearts and our light and our genius. The practice of OMing strips away the walls and the density that obscure not only our connection to our own feeling nature, but to the shared feeling nature that conscious sexual exchange inspires when we know how to work with it.
“Ooh,” boyfriend said, when he hit a particularly sweet spot with his tongue during a post-OM canoodle. “I felt that one in my toes.”
“Do…more…that…” I instructed, palming his skull, trying to catch my breath, “…hnnnh!…”
But, it’s not just instances of Freaky Friday-like feeling-sharing that differentiates OMing from diddling myself. Orgasmic Meditation isn’t goal-oriented – there is no race toward climax. In fact, it’s not even a destination. Sure, it happens; I hear. I’ve yet to climax during an OM, and I have all of zero interest in doing so, and not just because I think it would be thoroughly embarrassing.
The magic is at the edge, which is where all magic lies, and – for me – OMing is the perfect set-up to play with that edge, to redirect the energy that threatens to undo me in a fit of trembles, spasms, shrieks and sensation, and to instead redirect it up my spine and into my head, where it dances between my third eye and my crown, and animates my entire body with a thousand and one lightning bolts exploding behind my eyelids and across my every meridian in fractalized bursts of psychedelia.
“UNNHHH!!” Josh sucks in his breath at the very same moment a jolt of electricity explodes in my upper cervical spine, and then mutters a thoroughly floored: “Whoah.”
“And, what’s in it for the guy?” Mom presses.
I can’t really say, not being a guy or having ever stroked, but that doesn’t stop me from rolling my eyes, and snorting, and saying “Mom, I already explained this,” because even though I’m a grown woman, there’s something about sharing time/space with my mother that inspires adolescent histrionics. “It strips away the layers of calcified density, and renders them more sensitive and available to experience their own sensation through less and less stimulation.”
Also, a lot of the guys in the community are spazzy dweebs who, if it weren’t for One Taste, wouldn’t likely see much pussy, let alone get to touch any, unless they were paying for it.
“Two minutes,” Josh says, alerting me to the impending close of our session with a pronounced shift in his touch – Downstroking, they call it, which is totally applicable when spread eagle and doused in coconut lube in The Nest, but kind of annoying when chatting with my friend over kale smoothies.
“You probably want to downstroke her before telling her you don’t want to work with her anymore,” Jamie advises.
I roll my eyes and vomit just the tiniest bit in the back of my throat, not because it’s not good advice, but because I’m still having a hard time getting used to my friend’s tendency to talk like a cult initiate.
“Time,” Josh says with a massive exhale, removing his hand from very, very tingly pussy, despite my clit’s silent pulsing pleas for him to come back, to stay awhile, to keep doing that thing he was doing with his finger for – like, I dunno…ever?
I exhale as Josh grounds me back into my body, and into the room, again mashing his hands atop my only slightly trembling thighs. He helps me up to a sitting position where I drape the now damp washcloth over my lady bits, and avail myself to the grand finale – the Sharing of Frames.
“There was this moment, when I saw, like, a drop of – um…well, your juices on the edge of your pussy, and – uh, well – when I did, I felt a lot of sensation in my cock.”
I think the point is to get us in the practice of communicating our turn on, and our feeling experience. It’s gotten easier, the Frame-Sharing, minus the moments when I realize, mid-OM, that I’m going to have to do it, and then I retreat to my head, scanning the practice for something noteworthy to speak to. That, and the fact that I don’t love talking to strangers about my turn-on, but – whatever – I’m a grown-up; I can deal.
“There was a moment when you pulled back on the pressure, and I found myself wanting to chase it, but instead chose to inhale into my clit, and found the connection I was craving through my own breath.”
“Awesome.”
“Rad.”
“Thanks.”
And with that, we are complete.
It’s actually my favorite part of the whole experience, the leaving, the absence of lingering eye locks, of nervous heart flutters, of carefully couched farewells that may or may not allude to a deepening intimacy, and to future dalliances that so often never come to pass. I love the none of that. It’s honest. It’s clean. We have accomplished the business at hand – the touching of my pussy – and now that we are finished, I will be on my (way merrier) way.
Back in Jamie’s kitchen, dinner is ready – kale salad with pumpkin seeds and tons of nutritional yeast.
“How was that?” Jamie asks, knowing smile hijacking her perpetually radiant face.
“Best. Friend. Ever.” I gush, proffering the world’s most grateful hug, feeling infinitely less suicidal and – dare I say – pretty darned good.
Dani Katz is the creator of the I Am Calendar 2015, a total astro/affirmation/badass birthday fest of all ’round awesomeness. You can find out more about her work here.
A Unicorn among women, designer and textile maven Victoria Keen is among the most magical of the creatures in the Numiverse. From her high vibrational yoga line, to her encyclopedic knowledge of the esoteric healing arts, this woman walks the Numi walk – and then some. Here’s this week’s peek into a very Mystical World…
My Label V-Keen is my label. I am a textile and clothing designer, among other things, and I’ve been rocking my original hand drawn textiles since 2002, making printed everything from yoga leggings to wool cashmere suits to furniture. My ethos has been high vibrational clothing made in NYC since the beginning. And I love print. A LOT. Chisato Tsumori’s work does it for me – it’s fantastic, whimsical, over the top and amazing.
My Shoes I don’t get to wear them enough, but I just used my favorite Balenciaga’s in a recent Goddess Tribe shoot I did. I got them in a Barney’s sale, and I had my son Zephyr in a front pack while I tried them on. The other ladies shopping were applauding, it was a pretty hilarious sight. I haven’t shopped that Barney’s sale again, but this winter I plan on making myself some hand felted boots in the style of the Mongolian Nomads.
My Fragrance For years now (like 10!) I’ve been obsessed with my friend’s hand made line out of Vermont, called Lunaroma. Her Neroli I can’t live without. It makes me feel powerful and reminds me of ancient Egypt in a way I can’t explain. In fact, I just read that Neroli was a beloved scent of the priestesses of Isis….
My Jewels Since I was a kid I’ve always been fascinated with the ancient human practice of body modification. I love unusual ear piercings with intricate set ups, and there’s a black diamond encrusted hoop for my daith I’ve been pining after.
My Pampering I love a facial from Britta Plugg in Williamsburg when I want to pamper myself. Way beyond a facial, she uses the most incredible organic products along with heated salt stones and light therapy to induce an out of body state of relaxation. Love it!
My Home My home is its own colorful universe. I share a live/work studio with my partner, our 6-year-old son, our Frenchie pug, a fish tank, a veritable jungle of plants along with my entire V-Keen inventory and samples, my library of books, a 28” wind gong and various instruments, my many collections of photographs, masks, crystals, travel treasures, and of course all of my fiber art and crafting supplies… We don’t have a couch or a TV, but it works somehow.
My Food I am a total kitchen witch and elixir mixer, in fact I just made some saffron infused full moon ghee…and a love potion I’m digging lately is rose and tulsi tea with muddled raspberries and mint, aloe vera, lime, raw honey and sprouted chia seeds, with Rose Quartz and Opal gem essences. Beyond!
:: MYSTICAL WORLD ::
My Awakening Morning rituals are my favorite. I have been evolving my own very personal dinacharya for a while now, with many specific steps I can do in under twenty minutes. Here is a simple morning offering I made last week. I lit a candle and connected with my ancestors, spirit guides, and animal totems.
Victoria’s morning mandala
My Sign Gemini Sun, Leo Rising, Scorpio Moon #hardcore
My Mantra “All day you make because delight is in the making. You make because by making love comes in” –Ann Filemyr (from the We-Moon Calendar 2014)
My Healer Making things with my hands is my personal Prozac for self-soothing. I’ve also done a lot of work with my biofield (aura). Some of the healing methods I’ve experienced and loved are Transformational Breath, Sound Balancing, DNA Potentiation, ThetaHealing, Past Life Regression, and Matrix Energetics to name some. Currently I’m doing Vikaz. It’s still mysterious to me what happens in each session and I can’t quite put it to words, but it has been incredible and a lifesaver this last year.
My Transformation This year I made a decision to take a pause with my clothing line, which I have been full on with since 2002, to pursue my love of sound and energy medicine. It was terrifying to go into that unchartered territory, but also hugely transformative to give up an identity I had carried for so long. In that space, so many new projects have sprung up I’m feeling more creative than ever.
My Mission Ultimately, my mission in life is to weave together all of my widely different and disparate interests and life experiences into a living breathing form of art that’s completely unique to me.
In this month’s column on sex and spirituality, I’m showing my lover the same reverence as my altar says Ellie Burrows.
I have altared the way I see my partner.
A couple of weeks ago, Business Insider published an article titled Science Says Lasting Relationships Come Down to Two Basic Traits. Numerous people posted it on their Facebook pages and at least ten people, men and women, forwarded the article to me. In it, the journalist showed how from The Gottman’s 1986 and 1990 studies of relationship “Masters” and “Disasters” to Shelly Gable’s 2006 study on the importance of the “active constructive response,” kindness and generosity emerge as the two most important components in a successful relationship.
If you’re a living, breathing human being, then this finding should make complete sense to you. But you also know that living, breathing human beings screw those two up all the time.
Every day I see couples treat each other poorly. They desecrate and decimate, creating a cloud of dysfunction. They drop the f-bomb when the other one fails to flag an available cab, hate on each other’s families, roll their eyes when their lover orders the wrong dish, or stomp their feet when they forget a simple task. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to lean over to the table next to me and tell the arguing couple to cut their losses, walk away, and start over again.
In relationships, I’ve also been guilty of some of the above (especially the f-bomb part). I can be cruel just like anyone else. There have been moments where I’ve brought out the worst in my partner and vice versa. But I don’t grow in a hostile environment and neither do my partners, so over the last couple of years, I’ve made a conscious effort to weed out my bad behavior. And when I read that article, I found myself nodding and agreeing as if I had done the research and written it myself.
Science and spirituality have a complicated relationship (some say no relationship at all). But to me, loving someone is a spiritual practice – and now it seems the science just proves my point. In practice I’ve made it simple: I approach my beloved as if they are an altar.
These days, I choose to see my partner as a symbol, an emblem of love, opposed to love itself. My partner is a physical representation of love in the same way a statue of Shakyamuni Buddha is a physical representation of enlightenment. Love itself is infinite and eternal and cannot be contained by a physical body. But the way I treat that symbol or body, that somebody, is indicative of my level of reverence for the love between us. And like any devoted believer, I try to always approach my man altar, that constant reminder of the love consciousness, with humility, generosity and respect.
Altars are traditionally a place for sacrifice, and offerings used to be kind of messy – a slaughtered goat, perhaps. With this in mind, I’ve always found it particularly funny that we say we’re “leading someone to the altar” when talking about marriage. But dead animals and divorce rates aside, contemporary offerings come in the form of candles, money, incense, or prayer.
Ellie’s altar: “An act of devotion to the consciousness I’m seeking”
I have a beautiful altar in my house where Kwan Yin, Goddess of Compassion, resides among treasures from my different spiritual journeys: a stick I picked up from the Tor in Glastonbury, mala beads from Bhutan, an ancient fertility Goddess necklace from my Auntie, a hamsa from Israel, and minerals ranging from clear quartz to emerald. When I’m having trouble writing or sorting through something, I often sit in front of it. I light some incense, quiet my thoughts, and deepen my breath. I concentrate on these meaningful symbols and connect to them as an act of devotion to the consciousness I’m seeking.
And echoing this practice, concentrating on your partner, regularly connecting to the way you treat them is act of devotion to the kind of love you are seeking. I cannot imagine anything more generous in a partnership than offering up your best self. An act of generosity, that also shows your appreciation. The writer of the Business Insider piece states that successful couples: “are scanning the social environment for things they can appreciate and say thank you for. They are building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully.”
Respect. Purpose. I like those words. They are words of reverence. Of course, sometimes shit gets hard and we say and do things we don’t mean. And just last night (the night before this article was due), I slipped. I found myself in a heated conversation in which I said something I shouldn’t have. It wasn’t respectful, and I didn’t do it on purpose. I was totally offering up my worst self. But the misstep was perfectly timed, as was the dream I just woke up from. I was kneeling at the feet of a beloved, heart full of love, repeating an important three-word mantra that we all know well.
And this morning, knowing I need to be generous, I also know exactly what I’m going to offer up to my altar:
The Cosmic energy this month invites an adventure to the ends of your imagination. This simple yoga sequence for Sagittarius is designed to create space in your mind and body for bold new visions to form, says Ash Baker. Images: Mara Hoffman fall 2012
:: SAGITTARIUS :: November 22 to December 21 ::
Ruler: Jupiter Element: Fire Modality: Mutable Anatomy: Hips, thighs, muscles.
9th sign of the Zodiac
Expansion, possibility and the strength to go after all that you desire. Cue the visionary energy that is Sagittarius! We are now entering the last month of the calendar year, and a fresh new start is just around the corner. This is an opportune time to start meditating, processing, and dreaming about what you want 2015 to look like. Jupiter, the giver of gifts and luck is the king of Sag, so use this auspicious energy to create what you want.
We are also preparing to bid farewell to the Chinese year of the Horse, another symbol for Sag, so take some time now to honor and on reflect all the adventures of 2014 that have brought you to the turning point you now find yourself arrived at.
As Sag is the sign of higher education, whether that be university or self-study, use the longer nights now as an excuse to curl up with a book that expands your mind, or watch a documentary that informs your choices. Knowledge is power for these archers. The practice below is designed to create space in your body for self-inquiry, dream catching and some rejuvenating end of year rest.
:: Pigeon Pose :: Come into Downward Dog. Inhale and lift the right leg up in the air behind you. Exhale, sweep your knee in towards your chest and place the right knee behind your right wrist. Bring the hips to the floor and lengthen your left leg out behind you. Make sure your left knee and the top of the foot are facing the floor. Sit upright for a moment and center your hips. If you find yourself leaning to one direction take a block or blanket under the drooping side. Once you find your center take your hands and place them down in front of you. You can use your breath to go deeper. As you inhale, lengthen the spine. As you exhale, sink further forward, walking the hands away from you. If you have the flexibility, completely fold forward and rest your forehead on the floor. Stay here for 30 seconds up to a few minutes depending on your level of practice. Press up to Downward Dog pose, walk the feet in place for a few seconds and then repeat on the left side.
:: Supported Bound Angle:: Sitting on a blanket, draw the soles of your feet together to touch. Take a block under each knee. Take your hands behind you and slowly lay on your back. You can take your blanket from under your seat and place it under your head if you find that more supportive. Let your arms relax at your sides with the palms up. Relax your whole body and rest for five whole minutes.
*Counterpose- bring your feet as wide as your mat, plant your soles on the floor and let your knees fall in. BREATHE.
:: Supine twist :: Come to your back and draw your knees into your chest. Take a deep inhale and on the exhale drop both knees over to the right. Take your arms out to the sides like wings. Take your gaze to the left. With each inhale allow your spine to lengthen and your belly to fully expand. On the exhale allow your body to twist deeper. Stay here for a few minutes and then inhale the knees back to center. Exhale and repeat on the opposite side. Enjoy this detoxifying twist. Use your breath to emotionally release anything holding you back from moving forward with your goals.
:: Legs up the wall Meditation :: This pose and meditation will create space in your mind, relaxation in your body and openness of the heart by resetting your central nervous system. Come over to a wall space and sit down next to it with one hip against the wall, or as close as you can get your hip to the wall. As you start to lay down flat on your back simultaneously begin to walk your feet sideways up the wall, until your feet are pointing straight towards the ceiling. The knees can have a slight bend and if you want extra support take a block or blanket under your hips. Your hips and seat should be touching the wall, so inch your way as close as you can get. Just rest your arms out to the sides or lay them on your belly/heart. Close your eyes and focus on the sensation of relaxing. Keep your attention on your breath moving in and out. The aim is to create a clear space in your mind in which to invent your future. Stay here up to 15 minutes.
Monthly Mantra: “I ask for, act on and receive blessings in divine timing.”
Wow – the end of the year already! How did this happen we ask ourselves, as if we aren’t constantly reminded of the cycles of time. Personally, I’ve been so excited about December as I finally get to bid farewell to my old pal Saturn, the taskmaster of the skies (my Saturn return in Libra followed by Saturn in my sign, Scorpio, ooof!) – and I’m totally planning a ritual to welcome the shift.
In this month’s ‘scopes, I’ll be touching on the things all of us might need to face up to and release in this last month of 2014, which, of course, is about clearing a nice clear for all that’s new and unexpected to show up. I’m also getting started on your 2015 Tarotscopes and artwork, which will be available to purchase from my site around Christmas time!
As always I love to chat with you about your ‘scopes, so find me as always via Twitter and Facebook.
Sagittarius / Sagittarius Rising – Temperance
Consider this month a much needed clean up after the past four. You (and no you’re not alone, this feeling has been spreading like wildfire) have probably not only been more aware of the twists and turns in your life, but also of this creepy feeling spreading through your entire mind, body and spirit. A spot at the core of your being is demanding your attention, and for some of you this may be emerging as sparks of frustration, a lackluster vibe, or plain and simple boredom. You feel ready for something to expand, and now is exactly the right time as the start of your solar year is the perfect time to make heads and tails out of what’s going on inside.
If you’re feeling very sensitive right now, don’t panic. This is a given for the next few weeks – there may be tears and there may be tantrums. You aren’t always the first to reveal your emotions to others, often preferring to simply display them and hope/assume that everyone else will know exactly what you need. Of course, when they don’t decipher your secret Sag lingo straight away, it can be a massive disappointment. So one of the first things you can do right now, if you need it, is ASK FOR HELP!
Gasp, I know, really do you have to? Look, the art of being vulnerable is umm exactly that – an art. It takes practice and willingness. So surrender up any of your worries about being perceived as weak or stupid – they exist only in your own mind, and even the most unsuspecting of people might actually have some good advice to offer you. This is actually all about honesty, something you’re actually very good at. If attached, it’s also essential to let your partner in on your aches and pains, knowing that it’s safe to do so. Avoid playing the blame game though; this isn’t about finding something or someone to attack, simply about stretching out your safety net.
So as you allow your anxieties to flood out this month, know that you are making space to rebuild a more solid structure to live within. Even the most stubborn part of yourself that wants to hang on to an old betrayal or worn out way of thinking is ready to give in right now. Allow your moods to wash through you and over you and get ready for the bright sparks of clarity that will form as a result.
Questions? Come and chat with me about how your month is going @louniverse . And shop my new Zodiac Talisman Jewelry Collection here!
Capricorn / Capricorn Rising – The Daughter of Cups
Since September you’ve been tiptoeing into a much more vulnerable and softer place, have you noticed that? The second half of the year has been testing for you as you’ve gone head-to-head with all of your fears – and then some! Think of this time as having been a recalibration of sorts, a chance for you to embody all that’s been unearthed. The end game being that you gift yourself a second chance and a rebirth of sorts. Sounds good, doesn’t it?
This month will be a playful one, and I hope you could sense that building up over the last week in November as you felt the tugs of adventure nipping at your heels. Can you really, for real, let go of that internal pressure build up once and for all? Of course the answer is “yes”, and it’s actually essential you do so right NOW. If it causes a bit of panic within you to imagine life being completely out of your control, then I’m going to remind you of what that really means. When you are clutching onto everything around you, you are actually suffocating your potential and strangling opportunity. Everything, you included, needs space to breathe. Ahhh…just saying that makes me feel better. You see, it’s okay to feel like a newborn, to have no idea what’s ahead – it’s enlightening and it’s childlike and that is hella good.
Take yourself to a space this month where you can view your life with fresh eyes. What would you like to bring into the world over the coming months? The best kind of manifesting is to get excited about the exploration of potential. I can see you stepping into unchartered space and it feels so good – yes, wobbly and a little unnerving, but so SO good. Remember that nervousness is not a sign of weakness. Showing up with all your worries and STILL going for it – now that is superhero behavior. Finally, a little note on miracles. You know, just a side order of synchronicity. It’s rampant this month for you – so allow yourself to be completely guided by those weird feelings and strange guideposts as you see them clicking into place. Magic exists outside the constraints of control, and I know you want to experience it, even the most cynical of you. Clear out the trash and loosen your grip in order to make space to receive the unexpected. It’s there, ready and waiting.
Questions? Come and chat with me about how your month is going @louniverse. And shop my new Zodiac Talisman Jewelry Collection here!
Aquarius / Aquarius Rising – The Eight of Swords
Recovery time ahead for you my friend. The last few months have been a to-and-fro from order and change to panic and excitement. Now its time for you to lay down – metaphorically and maybe even physically – and let the hard work sink in. You are due an awakening of sorts and you only get that when you stop to allow the process. As much as we would like to, we don’t get to just sit up and have everything suddenly be “fine” – it’s always a work in progress.
You may still feel trapped within the cages of anxiety and fear, the product of the recent events perhaps, but I feel that you are further out of the devil’s grip than you may feel. How can you calm your mind and body over the coming weeks? It’s time to put your hand to your heart and ask; “What do I need right now?” And then simply listen. More so than ever you have the gift of hindsight and are starting to see the web you’ve been weaving over the entire year. For some of you it will come with many “aha” moments, as you just about glimpse the purpose of the chaos.
For others, it may be that you’ve had to come face to face with some familiar and tired old habits. You can see the circles spinning and may not like it. However, this is the point in which you get to start a new story for yourself and stop leafing through the pages of the past. When I was designing artwork for you Aquarians I chose the symbol of a Thunderstorm because it’s what resonates with me most about your way of living and your abilities. You can be easily sucked into the dark clouds, and yet times of change throw you back out quicker than you ever imagine.
Your ideas and inspiration are like flashes of lightning, as are the unexpected surprises that await you. You have the ability to step up to look down at your life from a different angle now, and you can see the space around you from any vantage point you choose. Remember your choices this month, and empower them to remind you that you are co-creating with the changes in air pressure around you. The whole purpose of death and rebirth is to embrace a whole new you. Prepare for transformation.
Questions? Come and chat with me about how your month is going @louniverse. And shop my new Zodiac Talisman Jewelry Collection here!
Pisces / Pisces Rising – Mother of Pentacles
Cast your eye back to February and March, as similar themes are likely to be served up over the next few weeks. I feel one of the things that’s going to be coming up for you is all about home and family life, and a desire to feel more stable and safe. You sometimes have to fight the urge to run from stability, which is funny as it’s the thing you seek the most. Remember that it’s all in your power to create the space you wish for, you don’t have to be trapped by or detached from people in order to be free. However, you will always feel that way if it’s the same story you replay over and over.
Now let’s change the channel for you. It’s time you allowed yourself to surrender and practice what things would be like if you just let them flow naturally – guided by your best intentions – with no self-imposed blocks. So what are your intentions? Is it that you feel finally ready to commit to a certain someone (you may not even know them yet but the idea still flies the same), or take a stab in the dark at committing to a permanent working contract of sorts?
For many of you your intention is going to need to be around something regarding your own well-being. How many of you are locked in some sort of self-deprecating or punishment routine? What old tricks are you playing on yourself or what dark corner do you keep creeping back into for safety? I want to challenge you to spin the tables and throw yourself into the light. Your highest and best self deserves a shot right now and self-forgiveness will play a part in that. Remember that forgiveness is a radical act of self-compassion; it frees you up to let life flow again.
It’s time to cut the ties to whatever situations are stopping you from feeling safe right now. You deserve to feel secure. Also, remember to care for yourself as much as you do for others, and see what a difference it makes to how you feel within.Finally, the reason I’m calling you back into the material world is that it’s a great month for career and friendship balance – if you keep your head up and eyes wide. Opportunities will continue to dance around you as long as you keep making space to receive them.
Questions? Come and chat with me about how your month is going @louniverse . And shop my new Zodiac Talisman Jewelry Collection here!
Aries / Aries Rising – Father of Swords
Now that you’ve had a chance to surrender and settle, it’s a fantastic month for you to fully reclaim all that personal power of yours my friend – and with a few added ingredients. I use the term “reclaim” to remind you that empowerment is constantly available to you – like a book on your shelf that you can go to any time. It is about owning your story and standing fully present within it; so, are you interested?
In which case, it’s time to wise up and get really truthful with where you want to stand right now. It’s terribly hard to feel that power if we are wavering or fighting against ourselves. Yes, I must warn you about self-sabotage this month, because it’s kind of like the lame friend that hangs in the shadows of your highest self. Every time you feel fully ready to really dive in and make that change, open that conversation, or send that email, here comes a distraction that appears like a puff of smoke from seemingly nowhere. Get to KNOW that smoke – it’s just a fear spray that’s dampening your spirit. I promise that you will feel 100% times better if you’re honest with yourself and just bring forth what feels important and intuitive to you. Yeah sure it IS scary to exist in your brightest self, but it’s also sooooo much fun. That super power feeling you’ve seen sparking around you recently? That could be a permanent fixture.
I’d also like you to bring through some poise and grace this month, a sense of solidarity within your own challenges. You are the wise owl, not the wilted wanderer. Do not perceive yourself to have weaknesses, quit that “Oh I’m not good enough at blah blah blah” story and try on a new perspective. How about remembering that everything that you’ve felt and experienced this year has lined itself up perfectly to create the moment you’re experiencing right now.
Every step on path is of equal value, and will give you the strength to stand up and do what you need to do. Your plans for the months ahead can be paved by the decisions you make in the next few weeks. Clarity will arrive via a combination of intuition and self-awareness that I feel that this will be very much heightened this month. Be aware that spiritual insight doesn’t always come in the form of the out there and unusual – it may be sitting right under your nose, in the most human of forms.
Questions? Come and chat with me about how your month is going @louniverse . And shop my new Zodiac Talisman Jewelry Collection here!
Taurus / Taurus Rising – The Four of Wands
Taurus! This is a month for celebration and pats on the back. The energy from last month continues to lighten. It’s not that you aren’t still super busy or even that you’re free of challenges, but you just have the ability now to connect to a simpler flow. Perhaps you recently just decided that you simply couldn’t be bothered to run your life by the threads of your adrenals anymore? Or perhaps some things shifted to give you a bigger sense of what’s truly important to you. Either way, the next few weeks are paved with opportunity for you to really embrace everything you’ve achieved this year.
I can hear some of you saying. “oh, but I haven’t done anything!” or “but I feel like I failed.” Achievement isn’t about someone else giving you validation, or you climbing up some sort of ladder. It’s found via a sense of compassion and admiration for the self. I want you really give yourself a shot at being the light over the coming weeks. I feel that opportunities are going to come dressed in a social format, so dress up and get out there. Okay, so you don’t have to leave the house but try to put yourself in a social and networking mindset.
I feel like there are tons of people out there right now that not only need your insight and ideas but also want to enjoy your time. It’s a good energy for romance – both new opportunities, and reconnections with a current partner. As long as you look outside of the box – this is no time for playing it safe or being boring. Think spontaneous engagements and sneaking into swimming pools at midnight. Remember to simply play and check in with what makes you feel alive.
With this bright energy around you, I hope that many of you will see results from projects and plans that you’ve been working on. It may be an obvious turn of events or even just a spark that reminds you that you’re on the right track. No need to always be looking for the “big” things, when your sense of safety may arrive in a one-word format. Your intuition is heightened when you stop trying so hard – you see, you don’t have to try and be intuitive, you just need to feel it. Practice being guided in the direction of those flickers of insight that pop up for you, follow that gentle tug and know that everything is okay.
Questions? Come and chat with me about how your month is going @louniverse . And shop my new Zodiac Talisman Jewelry Collection here!
Gemini / Gemini Rising – The World
As the year draws to a close you are perfectly poised to appreciate the journey you’ve taken this year. Last month I spoke to you about managing stress and anxiety, so keep living that way of thinking in order to rebalance your system as things keep shifting. No need to panic now, as this month you’ll notice how many answers are finally reveling themselves to you, particularly to do with projects and ideas you birthed around August time.
You are fully immersed and swirling in a point of personal change, to it’s essential to remember that feeling ungrounded and a little off course is only “normal” right now. With this knowledge in hand, you can release the pressure you’ve put on yourself to have it all “figured out”, and consider what the cycle ahead may hold for you. In fact, what do you want it to hold?
Be grateful, yes for the things you have, but most of all for the work you’ve done this year. You’ve been busy, really busy, with many ups and downs. It might be easy for you to look back at the year and go “eeeeek!” – so instead look try to see your path with wide eyes and go, “wow, isn’t it strange how that lead to that, and that loss created that space – and BOOM, suddenly I’m standing here.” Who knows what could happen next? When you finally jump off the spinning hamster wheel – and I say “jump” because to fully arrive into a new space we have to be willing – there is a sense of light at the end of the tunnel.
You will be aware of the final ties that need to be cut and the processes that you need to perform. You might be changing staff members, moving home, or committing to a more nurturing wellness regime. Prepare to step into a new alignment – one that works more for you than against you. It might be hard at first for some of you to shift yourself out of familiar self-punishing habits, even to really believe that things can be different. Trust that you can receive the changes you desire if you value your time and your self. Create spaces for new opportunities by clearing out old anger and resentments. A forgiveness practice is your best friend this month – know that it will free you.
Questions? Come and chat with me about how your month is going @louniverse . And shop my new Zodiac Talisman Jewelry Collection here!
Cancer / Cancer Rising – The Tower
An equally intense energy for this month as recent times you’ve been experiencing recently – you’ve had three months in a row where change, and maybe for some of you even chaos, has been the order of the day. You have questioned EVERYTHING in this latter half of the year. You’ve re-thought you career, relationships, and most of all your wellbeing. It’s now time to take final action to propel yourself forward and cut the ties that are tripping you at your ankles.
The nest few weeks are about shaking your foundations so that the Universe doesn’t step in and do it for you – we all know what that feels like! How can you be your own bolt of lightning? What needs a sharp edge cutting through, around, or up? There is rarely a time when we don’t have some aspect of self or life that we want to work with, so it’s a given that something’s on your mind. I feel that you have the opportunity to really break an old habit right now, something that you’ve replayed over and over – whether in the mental or the physical space. Is it really worth it anymore? Are the effects of this habit nurturing or positive? How can you release the pressure right NOW?
With intention, of course. Your mind is a powerful thing, and even if you’ve managed to convince yourself that it’s working against you, it’s still you in the control room, with the ability to completely rewrite the rulebook. Meanwhile, I want you to be wide eyed and open, expansive, and full of space, because I feel that it’s also a month to welcome unexpected surprises. Now, it’s easy to be scared of the what “could” happen, but please consider that this bolt from the blue can just as easily mean a new love affair, a job offer or a financial windfall.
The unexpected has the power to shift us into a new cycle in the flick of the switch – let that become a potentially exciting thought. Be the person who strikes the match to light up your own year ahead. Make your “will” bigger than your “won’t,” and let your excitement for all that’s new overshadow the fears that arrive alongside them. Never forget your own strength and personal power. Open your arms every morning and say “I’m ready, bring it on!” If you live in the expectation of change, it will no longer have the power to scare you.
Questions? Come and chat with me about how your month is going @louniverse. And shop my new Zodiac Talisman Jewelry Collection here!
Leo / Leo Rising – Judgment
This is what the past two months have been building up to…a total rebirth. No big deal right…are you ready?! I feel that you are sensitive right now, maybe even a little touchy, and occasionally hovering over the “why me” switch. This is all okay; we have to breakdown to breakthrough, right? Yes I am right, and no you are not crazy –but you are also not a failure and you are not broken. You are a human having a genuine experience, feelings and all. I know this can be a bit of a disappointment when you were all sure that you were the bravest kid on the block and didn’t need help from anyone.
BUT, and yes of course there is a but, what if there were an army of people waiting to help you sail through all this? Waiting to give you the tools and hold your hand as you trialed and tested new pathways? After all, this is often what you do for other people, right? Well this month, it’s all about you. How can you rise from the ashes and feel lighter and brighter than you’ve felt all year? I wish I had the ability to flick the switch and bring forth all your hopes in an instant, but it doesn’t work like that. Magic requires patience and surrender.
I know you can see the new you approaching, hence the frustration. But “surrender” doesn’t mean you have to stop – you can still dive in! A prominent theme for you over the coming months will be to question your thought patterns and familiar fairytales. Is there a familiar negative phrase that you seem to have on repeat? In fact we all do, and it’s time to become conscious of yours. It might be regarding your self worth, or health. If might be about confidence or your abilities. Often it’s simply that we’ve been busy convincing ourselves “it’s just how I am”, or repeating that we are alone.
These patterns, if embodied, become the belief structures that hold us back. So I want you to unearth the black spots and rise up to an open and unknown space. Surrender to change itself, and forgive the past so that you can stand fully in your most awesome self. It’s safe to let go, it’s safe to be scared, and it’s safe to be vulnerable. Breathe like you’ve never breathed before.
Questions? Come and chat with me about how your month is going @louniverse . And shop my new Zodiac Talisman Jewelry Collection here!
Virgo / Virgo Rising – The Ten of Cups
You have book-ended the year with really similar themes, as this month you receive a wink from early February and the lifestyle you were leading then. You may see the rewards coming in from seeds you planted early in the year, and for many of you some much-needed closure may occur. Over the coming weeks, emotions run high and you may feel quite overwhelmed with many of them. This may really annoy you, as you’d much rather have a spreadsheet of feelings timed and dated so you knew what to expect! But life has other ideas, and now it’s pushing you to embrace love, gratitude, surprise, and the unexpected.
Even the most cynical of you should know that it’s never too late to try a sample from the positive attitude buffet. You’ve been weaving a web and there is a sense of bouncing back and forth happening right now. Like your moods, the energy around you is sparking and buzzing. In many cases, it’s extremely exciting to experience a sense that things are finally maneuvering into a space you can work with, especially those of you who have been playing the waiting game recently. For many of you though it might feel a bit like catching flies. You can see the potential, you can see the opportunities, but oh jeez can they just be grounded and solidified already?
Know that a pattern IS going to emerge, and all this dizzy energy has an end game. Things will settle. Meanwhile, this is a beautifully social month for you, and one filled with love. If all else seems to be hitting the proverbial fan, just zone in on that one favorite person and simply enjoy their company. If you are feeling like the life and soul of the party then this is also a free pass to run around and light up the room. There will be plenty of people around you who could use some of your party spirit right now. Even if you don’t feel full of joy, practice imitating the mood you want to experience.
But finally, do give yourself time to just be. It is the simple things that will earth you and so make sure to allow that rather than keep scrabbling around for more, or trying to force situations. Work with what you’ve got and you might just discover that it’s enough.
Questions? Come and chat with me about how your month is going @louniverse . And shop my new Zodiac Talisman Jewelry Collection here!
Libra / Libra Rising – Ace of Wands
Hurrah! Action arrives, finally. The month of surrender you’ve just experienced has ushered in the energy of a brand new year one whole month early, and that’s exactly the right attitude to bring forth now. Creativity is key for you over the coming weeks, and a childlike eye will serve you well. There’s a sense of emerging from the gloom, a pull away from the dusty part of your soul. You’re ready to come back into the light and throw yourself fully into your experience.
This energy is all new, fresh, speedy and bright, and I want you to see how you can spark up your life this month. There’s an opportunity to play the part of the wizard, and brainstorm what you want to conjure up. I feel that you may find sudden moments of clarity, linking to days as far back as early 2013 – a chapter is well and truly closing and another opening up all at once. Spontaneity and fun are really important for you right now, especially if you’ve been having a hard time, so allow yourself to get into the holiday spirit. It doesn’t have to mean that you throw yourself into every party on the block (though if that sounds good then please do!) It may simply be that you allow yourself to wrap up in your own energy cocoon and listen to music, exercise or make art – anything that makes you feel alive.
What are your thoughts about the coming months and how can you make your attitude about them as positive as possible? Are there any areas of your life where you feel like you need a kick in the butt? If so, then see this as a prod from the Universe. Kick-start yourself into action by knowing and trusting that all change will evolve you to somewhere and that moving forward is essential.
Even if you foresee instability ahead, how can you care for yourself to ease the process? For those of you who are wavering when it comes to throwing yourself into the unknown, perhaps really putting yourself out that like never before, then this is your green light. It will never serve you badly to pursue a passion or twinkling idea. The only thing to do is remove your belief in the word “failure”; once that pressure is off, all that remains is the potential to truly bloom.
Questions? Come and chat with me about how your month is going @louniverse. And shop my new Zodiac Talisman Jewelry Collection here!
Scorpio / Scorpio Rising – The Two of Wands
I feel like for many of you who have been in an up-and-down, in-and-out holding pattern recently, you’re finally going to be able to see a clear path ahead this month; much less guessing and lots more good, solid information. Even as you read this a few of you might feel a sigh of relief as you slot back into the present moment and your body. You have been pretty ungrounded recently, and as much as you love being up there playing with the spirits, you know full well that you need to be on the earth to work with it.
Getting back into your own fully-embodied experience requires you to really know that you are safe in your mind, body and your spirit. That it’s okay for you to trust the process and make decisions, even if you do still feel in “waiting” mode. Meanwhile this is also a month for major manifesting, whether you have a clear idea of where you’re going or not, you still have your free will, right? The will of a Scorpio is not to be taken lightly believe me – so where are you going to place yours? I feel like you are poking at the fire trying to light up an idea – keep working on it, it seems to me that you probably just need to shift some of the original formula to create that sudden “aha” moment!
Think of your ideas like jigsaw puzzles, and keep moving the pieces around until they fit. Don’t worry – you have everything you need, just trust that original soul recipe of yours. Reaching for the highest heights feels good to me, but don’t get drawn into that idea of “being successful”. Instead, reframe it as simply living in your most optimal self. Allow yourself to believe that your potential is limitless and remind yourself, as always, that comparison for others can be a redundant act. If you feel overwhelmed by what everyone else is doing, take a social media break and immerse yourself with your own creativity alone in order to reconnect to those burning desires.
Finally, a pre-Christmas break sounds nice. If you’ve got the opportunity to go and take a night in the middle of nowhere, do it! Create your own end of year Scorpio ritual – light candles, burn old stories, and look up at the sky to remind yourself of the infinite space that guides and compels you.
Questions? Come and chat with me about how your month is going @louniverse . And shop my new Zodiac Talisman Jewelry Collection here!
This week’s Material Girl is MiN New York co-founder Mindy Yang – purveyor of fine fragrance, and pursuer of life’s pleasures…
Mindy Yang is co-founder fine fragrance apothecary MiN New York
Greetings from London! Because I’ve decided I need some sunshine this actual Christmas, I’ve gone all American and travelled “home” (as in, the place of my birth as opposed to where I call home now) for the Thanksgiving holiday instead. The timing of my trip also coincided neatly with an invitation to speak about all things Numinous at an event by global trend forecasting agency The Future Laboratory. Which means we basically ARE the future, Numis.
How interesting that the day of my talk, two friends emailed me the link to this brilliant Huffington Post article by Dianne Collins, author of a book called Do You QuantumThink? New Thinking That Will Rock Your World. In it, she basically says a slice of society she calls The Consciousness Crowd are “the new mainstream”. So take that as your cue to come out of the spiritual closet and fly your Numi colors proud!
As I’ve mainly been travelling and finishing up deadlines (like working on our 2014 Instagram Awards – check it out if you haven’t already), my Mystical Life has fallen by the wayside a little this week (insert sad face). But I did use Gabby Bernstein’s “backpack meditation” (see below) to calm my pre-talk jitters. Public speaking is my big dry-mouth-heart-palpitations fear, but seeing as it seems to be happening more often, I’m actually planning some sessions with mystic Stewart Pearce – a.k.a. The Alchemy of Voice (and none other than Lady Di’s speaking coach – um, sign me up).
So I met this week’s Matreial Girl when I first moved to New York, and immediately fell in love with her otherworldly fragrance boutique. I think I walked away with about a million samples, because don’t you just love perfume? The nose is perhaps the most Numinous of our sensory organs – I’m constantly amazed how a particular smell or scent can become my own personal time travel device, transporting me down memory lane, or to an alternate reality altogether.
Then when I started following her brilliant Instagram feed, I realized Mindy was also a total Numi, and when I had the idea for this column she was right near the top of my list. A fellow Fire Dragon, the world through her eyes is a truly mystical place…and also happens to feature the best #foodporn on the planet.
“Your fragrance is an invisible armor and also what makes you unforgettable”
:: MATERIAL GIRL ::
My label I don’t have one favorite brand, but my love and appreciation for Yohji Yamamoto has grown to epic proportions over the years. Comfortable, timeless and chic, I enjoy wearing artisan garments that are also works of art.
Yohji Yamamoto AW14
My shoes I run around in heels and I have a soft spot for vintage shoes. I have an extensive collection of those. Some of my favorites are vintage YSLs.
My fragrance Your fragrance is an invisible armor and also what makes you unforgettable. As Vice President and Curator of MiN New York and an expert in this category, I am spoiled with rare, niche perfumes from around the world. But my signature scent has been SHAMAN, an olfactory art potion that we made for MiN New York’s Scent Stories, Volume 1. Old fashioned notes like violets, roses, incense, and patchouli swirl with modern aroma molecules (like aldehydes) to inspire a time-traveling mystic.The hologramic effect is magical. Each moment is immersive, yet surreal like a waking-dream… All of it is so very me.
SHAMAN by MiN New York, $240
My jewels I’m not a collector of jewelry, but I have a few rings that I wear daily (for sentimental reasons) along with a bracelet of meditation beads.
My pampering Sipping a well-aged scotch listening to something ambient or blue. Flipping through large coffee table books in the glow of my (MEMBERS ONLY) Union Club candle (bone China, gilded in gold; Scent of leather, balsam, smoke, and fire). And yes, I’m known to indulge in (perhaps too many) massages.
(MEMBERS ONLY) Union Club Candle, $195
My home When my intense days in the city are through, I retreat to a quaint neighborhood called Turtle Bay (by the UN). It’s my sanctuary on the isle of Manhattan.
My food I’m powered by coconut water, fruits, lots of tea, ginger, and mostly food from the sea.
My awakening A glass of fresh lemon juice and water with 8 drops of Cellfood, mediation and a short yoga session, followed by #PhotosForBreakfast. I browze the web for inspiratios each morning, and I share my favorite photographs via Instagram/Twitter/Facebook under @GoDolceVita.
My healer The Healer is in each of us, and I learned to activate my inner power when I became a Reiki Master over 15 years ago. Through reiki, aromatherapy, massage, meditating, working with crystals, mudras, etc, I believe healing is all simply energy. Taking time to recharge in solitude is important to me. To embrace it all and let go, to transform, to inspire, to create. With awareness, you can amplify the good. Perception is reality and a positive attitude is everything!
My transformation If you live each moment with awareness and take the time to reflect, it’s easy to see (and deeply appreciate) the journey. Reiki opened my eyes to a different way of understanding how things works over 15 years ago. Since then, my yoga and meditation practice have intensified my energetic world. I’m fortunate to be able to express myself creatively in my professional life through art and design, in colors, scents, experiences, even music. Now a curious light warrior, I think and live in a empowered metaphysical Universe where the law of attraction rules and dreams come true if you are willing to manifest them.
“My yoga and meditation practice have intensified my energetic world”
My mission Exploring the beauty of moments with gratitude.
Harper Cowan and Jessica Eve Wakins are Anima Rising, and together they’re committed to making content to raise consciousness – starting with their documentary, Ways of Living. In this rad interview, they share an uplifting call to action and an inspiring vision for humanity.
YOU MET WORKING AS INTERNS AT NYLON. DO YOU STILL READ MAINSTREAM FASHION MAGAZINES OR DO THINK THE CONVERSATION HAS MOVED ON WITHOUT THEM? Harper: I don’t read mainstream fashion magazines any more, they don’t feel relevant to me and the world that I am trying to create. It feels like two different paradigms, I think there’s the potential for them to be a great thing if they’re inspiring and empowering people, but for the most part the messages they seem to be trying to send are not ones I am interested in receiving anymore.
Jess: I haven’t bought a fashion magazine in a couple of years. When I read them I end up wishing I was more sexy and less human than I am in reality. I love style and contemporary culture, I adore clothes and getting dressed, but I don’t appreciate the message that fashion and make-up are the be-all-end-all of Goddesshood. It makes me uneasy and angry, because I bought into it myself for a decade. It’s a tiny percentage of the bigger picture of what it means to be a woman, and unfortunately it’s the portion that gets 95% of the shelf space. If there isn’t enough heart involved it makes me bored.
HOW DO YOU THINK MAGAZINES AND THE MEDIA IN GENERAL COULD BE DOING MORE TO RAISE CONSCIOUSNESS? Harper: Jess happened to watch some TV at a friend’s house the other day, and when she came back we were talking about how very strange it is to see TV now. Media and magazines could be helping to wake people up, to empower them, enlighten them, connect them to each other, teach them better ways to live and communicate, and giving us more powerful tools to interpret our lives. A lot of mainstream media feels to me like it’s trying to keep us either scared or placated, and it’s just not the way I see the world.
Harper and Jesse are Anima Rising Productions
Jess: TV today completely depletes me of creativity and connection energy. It’s dangerous – it’s sucking the raw life force out of us all, and should be mostly avoided in my eyes! I remember reading this Eckhart Tolle quote about the powerhouse that television is, and how it’s such a shame we don’t put it to better use, because we could be blasting every household with messages of pure love, every evening. But the media seems so dumbed down, so patronizing to the complexity of the human spirit. It’s 2014: we can handle a bit more soul than a close up of sizzling meat, a fast car, and a sexed up woman, can’t we?!
I don’t want to buy in to an industry that promotes perfectionism. For me this year has been about trying to tear my own perfectionism down, and embrace the human. I think humaneness inspires us because it’s real, and it’s time to start promoting our vulnerabilities, our flaws, and weaknesses in the media. Promoting our inter-connectedness with one another and the universe. Reassuring each other that we are powerful creators, we have so much potential and mightiness in our bodies and bones and blood. I wish the whole industry would try a hell of a lot harder, right now it’s irresponsible.
HOW DID YOU BOTH GET SO INTERESTED IN ALTERNATIVE WAYS OF LIVING, AND WHAT’S YOUR CURRENT LIVING SITUATION? Harper: Right now we’re doing an artist residency at an amazing communal farm in North Carolina. We live in a beautiful, small, cold barn on 60 acres with lots of amazing artists and kind people and animals. I feel so grateful to be here, surrounded by such beautiful nature and open hearts. I think part of my interest in alternative ways of living came from realizing I wasn’t going to just grow up and pick a job and do it.
Harper: “There is more potential for magic than we are being led to believe”
I haven’t taken a linear path to where I am, my parents haven’t taken a linear path, nor have my role models… I’ve always had a sense that there was more potential for magic out there than we were being led to believe. I know there are other ways of living, and it’s been incredible to get to unfold a few of them.
Also, when I became vegetarian in 2008, I realized I had been doing a lot of things unconsciously for a lot of my life, and I suddenly wanted to wake up and investigate them, to make sure I was making intentional choices – my love of animals extended to the environment, and to people, the way I hope to treat others and myself, and all living things.
Jess: My parents are artists, and always taught me to think outside the box. There was no pressure to be conventional. I grew up scrutinizing books about bohemian culture – The Razor’s Edge, Trout Fishing in America, On the Road, The Diaries of Anais Nin, The Teachings of Don Juan, Electric Kool Aid Acid Test. Such rocket fuel to a dreamy teenager’s mind!
What we’re doing feels contemporary and responsible (there’s that unsexy word again) to me, more than alternative. I hope one day it’ll be the mainstream, to be submersed in nature, playing tunes by a wood-burner, meditating on hills, sharing meals, opening hearts to strangers, creating art, singing, crying with the plants, heeding the moon cycle. It gets difficult when I start to realize I’m not rooting anywhere, and suddenly friends are buying houses or earning a bunch of money. I get jealous sometimes.
Jess: “I grew up scrutinizing books about bohemian culture”
IF 2014 HAS BEEN A LOT ABOUT “SURRENDER” FOR THE PEOPLE I KNOW, “VULNERABILITY” FEELS LIKE A FITTING THEME FOR 2015. IN WHAT WAYS ARE THE PEOPLE IN YOUR DOCUMENTARY MAKING THEMSELVES VULNERABLE? Jess: It’s vulnerable to follow your heart. It’s vulnerable to say ‘no’ to leading the life you’re ‘supposed’ to. It’s vulnerable to stand in front of the world and tell them you believe in something different than they do. It’s vulnerable to tell someone you love them to their face, or that they are hurting you. It’s vulnerable to let yourself wake up spiritually. It’s vulnerable to trust in goodness – everyone we film does all these things, just by believing this world is worth fighting for.
They speak loudly by living from their hearts. When I stop feeling vulnerable I stop believing in my art, and stop making it, too. It’s like a disconnect, where I’ll suddenly feel all what’s the point? We have to stay present with ourselves to let the fragility in, because it’s the essence of humanity, and it’s what connects us all to a higher source.
WHAT CHANGES HAVE YOU MADE IN YOUR LIVES THAT HAVE BEEN HELPING YOU “WAKE UP”? Harper : We’re so thoughtful, it’s almost silly. Mindfulness is a big, big part of waking up. It’s just about paying attention, trying to be and stay present. I think everything is a choice, we are always making choices – from how we let someone make us feel, to what food we choose to eat, where we spend our money, etc. I think being honest and communicating honestly is a radical change. Recognizing the power of manifesting, and the power that we have over what happens to us – if you expect something to go badly, or go swimmingly, you’re making it much more likely that it will.
It kind of means taking a step back from being so easily swayed by emotion or first instinct, and when you do step back, like you do when you’re meditating and watching your thoughts float through your head, you can be more objective and realize, okay, this is energy that’s coming up in my body right now, and it will come and go and it only has as much control over me as I let it. Trying to love yourself more, and give and make and offer and expect more love – that can’t hurt!
Jess: The first step that I significantly noticed happened when I read ‘A New Earth‘, after a very unconscious period in my life. I had fallen out irreconcilably with a best friend, and I was like a lost scrap of fabric blowing around without purpose. That book opened a gateway somewhere in me. The second lesson came when I completed Reiki level 1, and some parts of my life that weren’t healthy started to drop away.
Then the steps started coming thicker and faster, because I recognized what they looked like. I’m starting to see I have the power to wake myself up now, and Anima Rising has been rooted in that thought. Meditation is key, that’s for certain. Time alone. Woman power! Speaking your truth, even when your voice is shaking. There is nothing more important than your own spiritual path, even though it fucking hurts sometimes.
YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELVES AS SOUL MATES – WHAT DID YOU FIRST CONNECT OVER? Harper : A cucaracha! The first time we ever spoke it was because Jess had seen a cockroach for the first time in her life! I’m SO grateful to that cockroach!!
Jess: I freaked out at the size of it, and ran right into Harper in the Nylon offices. After bonding for a few weeks over The Kings of Leon and photo-booths, I flew back to the UK. She followed soon after, and stayed with me and my then-boyfriend, Jake. She lived on our sofa. She helped us put on an experimental play written by my brother. She made us mix CDs. I made her cheese on toast when we were ‘drungry’. We went out every night and had so much silly fun. There was a weird unspoken knowing that we had found a kindred spirit, a soul mate.
Harper: I knew very quickly that I wanted Jess in my life, I was immediately inspired by her in many ways, and she has only continued to impress me in the eight years since. Now she’s a spirit-sister that I just wouldn’t want to imagine my life without! The first things we connected over were music – Bob Dylan – an interest in travel, in creativity and joy. It was definitely written in our stars to meet each other, and because it changed our lives so much I owe so much of my growth and gratitude to our friendship.
“Let’s all just be really sweet and kind and listen to our hearts and to nature and do good things!”
WHAT’S THE ONE MESSAGE YOU WOULD LIKE TO SPREAD AMONG YOUR PEERS ABOUT CREATING A HAPPIER, HEALTHIER, MORE CONSCIOUS FUTURE FOR HUMAN BEINGS AND THE PLANET WE INHABIT? Harper: Choose role models that inspire you to be good. I’m excited to be good! So let’s all be good together – good to each other, good to ourselves. Enough with hatred, insecurity, shyness, let’s all just be really sweet and kind and listen to our hearts and to nature and do good things!
My high school boyfriend’s mom told him before he left the house every day – ‘Make good choices!’ So let’s also make good choices, let’s help each other make good choices and work together to take care of us and our world. We’re in a really exciting place right now. I feel the world’s at a tipping point and we have the opportunity to influence which way it goes, there’s all this potential, and I trust that humans are good and we can and will do good things, the best things, together!
Jess: Love is always the appropriate reaction. Loving fully extends to yourself, your friends, family, lovers. It extends to ambivalent relationships and difficult relationships. Love the environment and spaces around you. Love animals. Love trees and the moon and the Cosmos. Love it all, because you’re a part of it and it’s unspeakably magical. When you’re damaging any part of it you’re hurting yourself because we’re all connected. And then don’t beat yourself up when you’re not perfectly loving. That’s okay too, we’re all learning!
Total lifestyle envy alert! Just wait until you read about Rochelle Schieck’s Mystical World…PLUS shamans and Liquid Sunshine in the round-up of Ruby’s Mystical Week.
Almost everyone I’ve spoken to this week has been experiencing the change of seasons like a wall of water to be waded through, or a heavy cloak of fog obscuring all hope and light – myself included. Hibernation season incoming! As a spring baby, I always find this downshift into darkness pretty hard to handle, which can only mean one thing – time to ramp up the self care and dive into my spiritual practise…
It’s also the week I’ve been sunshine dreaming about a January trip to Costa Rica :: drinking Liquid Sunshine from the Montauk Juice Factory :: talking chakras and conspiracy theories with my shaman, Manex Ibar (yes I have a shaman now, full report coming soon) :: mixing Meditation & Margarita’s at Danielle Mercurio’s mystical monthly NYC meet-up :: interviewing the gorgeous Felicity Jones, star of Stephen Hawking biopic The Theory of Everything :: and thanking the all-seeing creator for my new Isabel Marant Etoile flight jacket (seriously, TF for Isabel Marant)
So I first met this week’s Material Girl on the Astro Twins’ Become Your Own Astrologer retreat in Tulum last year. As creator of sensual movement class Qoya, it was Rochelle’s job to get us out of out astro-addicted minds and back into our bodies – which loosely translates as: “host an awesome dance party every night.”
I’ve since come to realize (main via her brilliant Facebook posts) that this is pretty much what Rochelle’s life looks like. Based mainly in Venice, CA, she seems to spend most of her time tripping from retreat to delicious retreat, all in the name of spreading the girl-empowering message that: “our essence is wise, wild and free.”
Rochelle Schieck, we want your life! Here’s what makes her Mystical World go ’round…
:: MATERIAL GIRL ::
My Look I led a Qoya workshop in Woodstock, NY last weekend, and as I was walking through the forest, smelling the fresh air and seeing all the leaves changing colors and gracefully falling to the ground, I felt a thrill noticing the temperature had dropped low enough to pull out my favorite piece of clothing – my Pendelton poncho! I wear it religiously as if my soul is expressed through its fabric and design, which honors all of our indigenous roots. I wear the poncho with black leggings and heels to dress it up, or, to keep the shaman chic vibe going, with my Minnetonka Moccasin booties.
My Fragrance I live in Venice, CA, most of the time, but after my time in Woodstock last week I went to stay with a friend in NYC. She laughed, commenting that whenever I come to visit, my scent of rose and sandalwood fills up the whole apartment. It’s Amma Rose Oil and it is intoxicating. I like to put it on my wrists and neck, but since I’m 5’2, I also put a small amount on the top of my head as a gift to all those I hug that day.
My Pampering I couldn’t go to NYC without making a pilgrimage to Spa Castle in Queens. Four floors. There’s a gold sauna, a salt sauna, a jade sauna, an infrared sauna…even an igloo!! The quintessential Korean spa treatment is to get a scrub and massage that feels on the verge of too aggressive, but leave you feeling like polished gold for the next 72 hours. Rumors are there is a new location opening in Midtown Manhattan in the fall!
My Jewels My best friend since college, Becca Kannapell, started Pound Jewelry with her mom and sister, and they make my favorite pieces on the planet. Right now I’m really into their pendulum pendants – which are completely gorgeous, and double as a divination tool. I even wrote a piece on how to swing a pendulum inspired by my love their jewelry!
My Food Whenever I’m in NYC I end up traveling around the city seeking different variations of a macrobiotic bowl that has rice, steamed kale and vegetables, seaweed and a large amount of Tahini sauce. My go-to’s this mission are Souen (for their Macro Bowl), Jivamuktea Cafe (Yogi’s choice) and Anjelica Kitchen (Dragon Bowl).
My Gift to Me I recently booked a Boudoir photo session with Lori Berkowitz, who specializes in capturing the beauty of a woman in her sensual essence. Sensual energy is life force energy. The stronger one is, the stronger the other. But this doesn’t have to be translated into the framework of sexual relationships with others – it can also mean reclaiming the physical sensation of the divine in your body, and honoring that sensation and the body itself as sacred, whole and holy.
:: MYSTICAL WORLD ::
My Morning Ritual On wakening, I immediately roll over into child’s pose to count on my fingers ten things I am grateful for. Then I slide into half pigeon and feel something I want to celebrate about my life on each leg before laying back into Vajrasana (hero’s pose) and imagining what I’d like to co-create with the divine today. Here’s a free video on YouTube I made for anyone to follow along Bed Yoga
My Sign I AM a Gemini. Gemini Sun. Gemini Moon. Gemini Venus. Gemini! Also Taurus rising, which explains my passion for the body and the sacred work I do in the world focusing on embodying the soul through a movement system I created called Qoya.
My Mantra In a sentence (and a hashtag): “#dancemakeseverythingbetter”
My Healer My favorite healing has always been collapsing or resting into the embrace of Mother Earth. Every jump in the ocean restores me. Every moment of relaxation while sitting next to a tree, softens my body into trusting the cycle of things. Every breath of fresh air in the mountains calms my thoughts and invites me to remember all I have to do is be here now. Every dance around a fire helps me feel the pulse of my own heartbeat and recognize it as the same heartbeat that dances through us all.
However, if my access to nature is limited, my team of healers includes several astrologers, body workers, shamans, intuitives and the occasional impulse call to Californiapsychics.com. I recently had my world rocked (again) by checking in on my favorite Shamanic Astrologer Sao. He is a passionate man put on this earth to assist with the awakening of the divine feminine and the way he gives a reading, it goes into the center of your soul. For daily inspiration, weekly and monthly horoscopes and yearly readings, I love to check in with the AstroTwins who help make everything make sense in the most intuitive and simultaneously scientific interpretation of my chart. And for chart readings assisted by akashic guides, I am grateful for Virginia Rosenberg and Heavenly Bodies.
My Reading With all the Gemini in me I read a lot, and many books at the same time. The novel that soul stirred me recently is Forty Rules of Loveby Elif Shafak, about the true story of Rumi and his soulmate happening concurrently to a modern day 40-year-old woman on her journey to learn the forty rules of love.
I also just finished an advance copy of my friend Betsy Blankenbaker’s first novel, Autobiography of an Orgasm. A nod to Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda, it’s the most honest account I’ve ever read of a woman’s sexual journey, dealing with childhood abuse, confusion as a young woman, marriage, giving birth to four children, and then the unexpected turn of events that led to her turning fifty and exploring the connection between the sensual and sacred by researching her relationship to orgasm. It’s part erotica, part informational “how to” and completely compelling.
My Mission The intention behind Qoya, the movement system I created (or rather, is creating me), is to share the idea that through movement, we remember that our essence is wise, wild and free, and to follow the feeling of truth when we experience it in our body. Through my Qoya classes, workshops, retreats and teacher training, we remember that the body is a portal to those sacred moments that can rarely be explained, but must be felt and experienced. To the Numinous!
To find out more about Rochelle’s work and experience some Qoya for yourself, sign up for her free 10 Days to Love Qoya and receive a short video embodiment exercise.
Do you know how to work with your spirit guides? Ruby Warrington gets a lesson in life’s celestial helpers from spirit-guide-whisperer Rebecca Campbell…
Inviting them into your dreams is one way to work with your spirit guides…
It happens fairly often among my Numinous circles that somebody will casually drop into the conversation that they’ve been working with their “spirit guides.” At which point I’ll nod and be like, “that’s rad, dude” – because, conceptually, I’m totally down with the idea that there are benevolent Universal forces working on our behalf all the time, and that we get to choose how and when we interact with them. That’s called “creating your own reality,” right?
But then I meet Rebecca Campbell, an Aussie author, mystic, coach, and co-founder of The Spirited Project, who insists that our guides are actually more like real entities – angels, I guess – who are just kind of hanging out, polishing their wings, until we call them into action. Learn to work with them, and they can offer assistance in every area of life – in fact; “no request is too big or too small, too specific or too broad,” she says.
It’s a pretty out there idea, even for me. And I (obviously) embrace a LOT of out there ideas. But I LOVE the concept (I’m already picturing my guides like a kind of spiritual Spice Girls, with the dance routines and everything), and so I asked Rebecca for the full low down. Here’s what she had to say…
Your guides – kind of like a spiritual Spice Girls?
So does every individual on the planet have their own spirit guides? Yep, everyone has their very own team of spirit guides who are completely devoted to their growth. I like to think of them as a group of amazing cosmic beings who have our back no matter what. But because of free will, in order to receive their support, first we need to ask. Asking is super simple (like, you can do it right now).
For general guidance: “Hey spirit guides…I am open to receiving your loving guidance in all areas of my life. Thank you, and so it is.”
For more specific guidance: “Hey spirit guides…I am open to receiving your guidance surrounding (insert specific request here). Thank you for guiding and supporting me.”
The thing about spirit guides is that they’re always there – we just don’t notice them. When you’re devastated by a terrible break up, they’re there. When you’re looking for a spot to park your car, they’re there. If you’re trying to make a difficult decision, they’re there. They’re by your side right now. What do you want their help with right now? Go on, ask them right now!
Okay, but first I need to know how they actually do their work? Our spirit guides work with us through signs, people, nature, synchronistic events and our intuitive senses (inner seeing, inner knowing, inner hearing and inner feeling).
So the best way to start working with your spirit guides is to ask them for a sign. When I first started working with my guides I asked them to send me a light peach feather to prove to me that they were really there. Within half an hour I had received two peach feathers, which was pretty amazing – and what I needed to open my mind and heart up to noticing the support they could offer me. (nb: I tried this last night by asking for a blue crystal – nothing yet. I’ll keep you posted. Update: two hours later I was working out and found a mini crustal on the studio floor – but it was mauve. Close!)
The more you work with your spirit guides, the stronger the connection gets. It’s just like working out – you can’t expect to have a six-pack like J-Lo if you only do one sit up.
Okay, so is there one team of spirit guides working for us all, or are they individual for each person? Everyone has their own team of spirit guides, which are assigned just to them. We are born with spirit guides and also recruit them as we go about our life.
I find that most people have around six spirit guides in their “inner circle.” These are the guides who are completely unique to us. Some spirit guides have had lifetimes here on earth (often appearing as “people” e.g. an American Indian teacher, a Tibetan monk, an inspirational business leader etc.) – while others may just appear as beings of light.
I believe that our purpose on Earth is twofold: 1. Evolve as a soul (learning, growing and raising our vibration) 2. Be the light (light up the world by following what lights us up)
Our spirit guides are assigned to us to help us do both these things. The more we allow and receive their guidance and support, the easier our path becomes.
Accept their support, and move forward more smoothly on your journey
I like the idea of us being “assigned” out guides at birth – how does this happen? Your soul recruits your spirit guides based on your unique soul calling and the path you are here to walk. Your guides are perfectly suited to your highest calling, and waiting to guide you as much or as little as you wish. No matter what you’re facing, their presence means you always have the support around you to make it through.
I believe that we are born with one main guide (also known as a Guardian Angel) who stays with us throughout our lives – and by the age of 18-25 most people have recruited their spirit guide “posse.”
We can recruit more guides as needed though. For example, while writing my book Light Is The New Black I recruited two light beings and a new teacher guide to help me – in exactly the same way as I used to call on famous ad men to help me present my creative ideas in a way that would most resonate with the client when I worked in advertising.
What if I’m still having a hard time getting my head around the concept… What holds most people back from developing a relationship with their spirit guides is their need for hard core visual “proof” that they exist. For a long time, I was waiting for my spirit guides to ring my doorbell and chat to me over a bottle of vino (clearly that never happened).
I wanted to know their hair color, their favorite movies and where they grew up. But the moment I Iet go of any need for them to appear in a certain way and just opened myself up to the possibility and trusted, the more my relationship with my guides grew and the more evidence of their presence I received in other ways.
Everyone’s experience with their spirit guides is personal, and because they work in the subtle realms, it takes practice to sense them. We are all six sensory beings, but we need to work our intuitive muscles each day to strengthen our intuitive connection with them.
Most people experience their guides through their predominate intuitive sense: Clairvoyant (clear seeing), Clairaudient (clear hearing), Clairsentient (clear feeling) and Claircognizant (clear knowing).
Can you give us some tips to start working with them on a regular basis then?
1. Start asking them for guidance…right now 2. Thank them for guiding you – they love a bit of positive reinforcement! 3. Ask them to send you a sign (e.g. a feather, a butterfly, elephants…whatever you fancy) 4. Keep a little notebook by your bed, and jot down any experience you might have had with them and any signs you spotted throughout the day. The more your book fills up, the more you will notice their support 5. Before you go to sleep ask your spirit guides to come to you in your dreams. The moment you wake up, note down any experiences you may have had with them
“She’s behind you…” Your spirit guides have always got your back
I’m almost convinced – can you share any amazing experiences you’ve had working with your guides? These days I speak to my spirit guides every day – but my favorite story of working with my guides happened earlier this year, when I’d handed in my book proposal to Hay House (twice) but hadn’t heard anything.
One of my spirit guides is a woman (spirit) named Charlotte. Charlotte appears as a terribly English high society lady from the 1920’s who wears big dresses, hats and gloves. A gifted gossip, with her fingers in all the most influential pies, Charlotte is here to help me get my message out there and name spoken about in the right circles. Knowing that getting some publicity might increase my chances of being published, I called on Charlotte her for help and then surrendered it.
That same day I was connected with a journalist – and one week later she was commissioned to write a story, “Like a Prayer”, for the UK’s Sunday Times Style Mag (which also happened to feature the who’s who of Hay House authors, as well as The Numinous).Two weeks later, I got the phone call from Hay House offering me a deal!
When I went into Hay House to meet the team for the first time, the Publicity Officer mentioned that she’d seen the Sunday Times article and asked who my publicist was. Without thinking I responded “my spirit guide Charlotte!” Now, I’ve sat around a lot of boardroom tables in my life, but that was the first one that I was able to casually drop the name of one of my spirit guides and credit them for their work. I love it!
In the latest instalment of her column on sex and spirituality, Ellie Burrows is Tuned On by slow burn of genuine intimacy. Portrait: Mikal Marie Photography
Ellie Burrows shot by Mikal Evans
I have a Masters in Instamacy.
Instamacy: A feeling that’s created when two strangers come together and all walls effortlessly tumble down while you tumble into each other.
Sound romantic? Yes.
Is that the same thing as intimacy? No. And I have recently been schooled in the difference.
I can’t tell you how many first dates I’ve been on where the dude sitting across from me tells me his deepest darkest secret only a couple hours in. Yes, this has happened more than once and it’s typically followed by something like “I have never told anyone that.” Believe it or not, I’ve had more than one supposed guy’s guy cry on a first or second date: “This is embarrassing. I can’t remember the last time I cried” or “I don’t usually do this. Who are you?”
Each time I would be totally turned on. Each reveal felt like a little victory of sorts, an advantage right out of the gate. It made me feel special like I had some magical ability create an environment in which the person sitting across from me felt unusually comfortable. It was like I was a mutant, my name was “Heart” and I had the power to crack open someone’s center in an instant, leaving them emotionally exposed and totally exhilarated.
Well, long before X-Men there was Greek mythology. And the story Psyche and Eros, beautifully illustrated in the Suit of Cups in the Mythic Tarot, has been a barometer for relationships for centuries. It’s Greek lore, so their story is peppered with misogyny, but we would be remiss not to acknowledge how mind-blowingly contemporary this story is, particularly as an allegory for intimacy. See, it’s ultimately a story about boundaries, an if you’re reading this and living in the year 2014 then you know how complicated that whole conversation has become. Insert Google-stalking, Instagram-following and Facebook-liking here.
Now, please indulge me in a brief retelling of Psyche and Eros – updated and annotated for your modern enjoyment:
Psyche was one seriously hot chick. Aphrodite wasn’t having it. She sent her son Eros, the cupid, to destroy her, but instead he fell in love with her. To save her, he called on his boy Apollo to give an oracle that Psyche must marry a monster. But instead, Eros clandestinely carried her away to a dope palace, married her, slept with her, and before morning made her promise never to look at his face.
Psyche Revived by Cupid’s Kiss by Antonio Canova
Psyche had never felt love like this before, so she agreed. But it was only a matter of time before her fear and insecurity got the best of her. Worried that her new husband must be a beast; she grabbed a lamp, lifted up the covers and took a peek. And holy shit, he was an angel! But she fucked up, dripped some oil from her lamp on that impeccable face and he awoke, enraged. In an instant, her nice digs and perfect husband disappeared and she was left out in the cold.
Heartbroken, she begged Aphrodite for help. Mothers-in-law are tough (I can’t speak on this firsthand, but so my friends tell me), so she put Psyche through a series of humbling and humiliating tasks. Ultimately she had to prove her love to Eros by going to hell and back. But it all worked out – he returned to her and put a ring on it, but this time it was in front of all gods and mortals.
Like Psyche, I used to love to lift the covers and peek behind the curtain. My past relationships were less about two separate subjects slowly coming together and more about a quick merger, a melding into one. I used to want to know everything about my lover as soon as possible – behavior that only betrayed how much anxiety I had around the unknown. I wanted to collapse all boundaries ASAP, because waiting for something to unfold was unnerving.
I thought if I could really see my partner then I would really know my partner. If I was “friends with the monster that was under my bed” (amen Eminem) then I could protect myself. I thought that’s what intimacy was all about. But I was wrong.
In spiritual circles, people love to throw around the phrase “into-me-see” and I think it’s misleading. Intimacy is not about seeing and knowing; it’s about feeling and experiencing.
For the first time in my life, I have recently experienced a natural progression towards true intimacy. It has felt like a slow build, not a swift shakedown. I am psyched that I respected his privacy. I do not need to peek behind the curtain; there is nothing to hide. Instead I am Psyche in her true splendor, patient and vulnerable to the unknown. For me, that feels like going to hell and back. If I thought I was turned on by instamacy, I had no idea the kind of pleasure that was waiting for me in the dance of getting to know one another…slowly.
And as much as I would like to tell you everything about him, I can’t. I’m focused on getting my Doctorate and I need to respect certain boundaries.
