1/11 ushers in a Harry Potter-ish portal for magical transformation, says Felicia Bender. Get ready for lift-off!
Welcome to the New Year!
I’m getting feedback across the board that 2017 was a real equalizer for most of us. A friend of mine said it simply and eloquently:
“Goodbye 2017. There’s not one damn thing I’ll miss about you.”
And while I’m more than relieved to wave “Adieu” to the year TOO, I also know that the purpose behind all the intensity in 2017 was to ready us for significant and substantial change.
And the Universe chose to pave the way by pitching many of us hardballs all year long. There’s nothing like being roughed up a bit to get our priorities straight, right?
So now what?
Prepare yourself – and get ready to engage your portal for lift-off in an almost Harry Potter-ish sort of way. It’s as though 1/11 is the “Port Key” that Harry and his buddies use to get from one location to the other—magically and instantaneously.
Numerologically speaking, the numerology of 1/11 is a gateway for us to focus our intentions and put thought into action. This day is a launching pad and a conduit to manifesting whatever we’ve been working on during the entire year of 2017. And no, it won’t manifest in the wave of a wand—and yet we can work with the powerful numerology of 1/11 to our distinct advantage now that we know it exists.
Understand that the energy related to the number 1 is all about new beginnings, independence, initiative, achievement, individuation, self-confidence, and innovative creativity.
So, with the numerology of 1/11 it’s beneficial to remind ourselves to focus on what we want rather than what we don’t want, because the energy of the number 1 expands what we repeatedly and routinely think about. It’s indicating that a window of opportunity is being flung open for us—with this energy in our court, we’ll begin to manifest our thoughts and desires into reality with remarkable speed.
So the trick is to be disciplined and mindful about how we focus our thoughts—this is good advice for every day and yet imperative for the numerology of 1/11. If there’s any time to make a highly concerted effort to positively and boldly envision your present and your future, this is the moment. Don’t waste this valuable and high-powered energy lingering in the past, hovering in indecision, or grinding about how your ex is such a jerk!
Use this “Port Key” to unlock your wildest wants, most delicious desires, and purposeful passions. Step through the muck and into 2018 with the clear intention to throw caution to the wind. This goes for our personal lives and reaches out into the stratosphere of our geo-political world stage.
1/11 is the day to examine long-held beliefs that we may not be true for us anymore.
1/11 is the day to forgive ourselves (and others) and get on with it!
1/11 is the day to expansively begin the practical and magical path to creating a deeply enriching new phase of our lives.
“We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are.”—Sirius Black in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
And let Ron’s advice keep you buoyant and focused during this transitional and transformational 2018: “Don’t let the Muggles get you down.”
In the second installment of her column Holy F*ck, Alexandra Roxo questions if modern-day hookup culture can co-exist with a Numi gal’s desire for conscious dating and sex…
As I sat next to my two friends Malia and Loulou watching Marianne Williamson speak to a crowded LA auditorium, I slumped further and further down in my chair as she discussed that which had been keeping me busy post breakup for nearly nine months…CASUAL SEX. Her words: “When a man puts anything in any of your orifices he has unspoken claim on you”, stung me. And to add insult to injury she went on to state: “Some Buddhist teachings say after sex the energy of the other person doesn’t leave your aura for seven years.”
Shit. My aura was starting to feel real crowded.
Not to mention that on my way to see Marianne talk I had casually mentioned to my new friends how I had recently had phenomenal sex in the back of a Prius under the Hollywood sign with a TV actor in an open relationship after drinks at the Soho House. (#Cliché.) I laughed about it, but now I felt a little uneasy…
Last year when I broke up with my girlfriend of nearly two years and decided to try dating dudes again, I had a period of being “free.” Meaning I hit Tinder hard. I was still meditating. Practicing affirmations. Reading Marianne and Louise Hay. But I was also determined to learn how to have casual sex in a casual way. Remember the “Sex and the City” episode where Carrie tries to have sex like men and can’t? That was me. But there I was on Tinder, wondering: is conscious dating and/or sex even possible through online apps? Can you explore deep sexual bliss with a stranger you drunk swiped on? In fact, can you explore sexual bliss with a stranger at all?
Obviously sex and religion is a whole big Pandora’s box I will not attempt to open, except to say that I do have massive PTSD from spending too many hours at “youth camp” where I was saved/told I was a sinner for being a sexual being. I’ve been healing from that for years as a non-religious “spiritual person,” but still many of the same judgements and questions continue to come up. Is casual sex an obstacle towards enlightenment or can it be an aid?
My friend Karley (a.k.a. Slutever) who is a sex writer and creative collaborator, turned me on to Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, who did a rad TED talk on how casual sex can be super healthy, which inspired me. In the last year I decided to fully commit myself to this quest. Oddly (or not – cause the Universe knows what it’s doing) I attracted quite a few “spiritual” dudes down for the cause. According to Dr. Zhana, healthy casual sex must be sober (at least pretty sober) and feel authentic to you. Once alcohol, drugs, and sadness enter, then it’s a whole ‘nother thing. Thing is, I couldn’t seem to get naked with a stranger without at least three drinks. (If this isn’t a sign I dunno what is!)
Then I started seeing someone. I thought maybe this was gonna be someone I would partner with for a long time. We meditated together. We have the same agents. We write and direct comedy. It seemed perfect. And it was – but only on paper. In person we didn’t get along and never laughed. So cut to the breakup, and the same night that a friend asked me to go a “very progressive” sex party. She said I could just watch and that it was going to be a great experience etc…I mean…how could I turn that down?
So in my fragile, broken state I put on a tight black dress and lipstick and got myself into an Uber, and embarrassingly sang the Weeknd’s “Hills” to the driver getting into my “empowered single woman” space, i.e. hot mess space. When I arrived at the sex party I stood on the sidelines until a man with a top knot and a jar of organic coconut oil offered me a Thai Massage. This seemed harmless enough. But then again I was drinking large amounts of Patron. And nothing under the influence of tequila is harmless.
As I was being twisted into yoga poses I heard strange gurgling sounds. When I opened my eyes I saw the woman next to me was double deep throating. I was shocked, and took another deep sip of tequila. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against deep throating – it was just that in my vulnerable state, it was all too much for me. It just didn’t feel like my truth.
I like to think that I’m “sexually progressive,” and open, and sex positive. I think I said yes to at least 2 out of 5 threesomes last year…but maybe that’s just not me anymore. Not my authentic truth now. Though, at this party I kept downing tequila hoping to “make it my truth,” and the next thing I knew I was laying in some couple’s arms, naked. I still have no idea how I made it home, though I did get a text from the wife who is a yoga teacher inviting me to class and telling me: “Congrats on no longer being vanilla!” If she only knew…
The next day I decided to stop drinking. To stop smoking weed. And to stop having casual sex. At least for now. Because none of it seemed to be serving my highest good anymore. (Did it ever?) I had put so much pressure on myself to “be free” and have fun, but the truth was I was covering up loneliness and a feeling of separation from Source.
I can see that my true freedom now lies in healing my wounds, in meditation, and safe self exploration. But my fear was…does this make me…boring?! (Um, if anybody’s watched Be Here Nowish season two I basically wrote a character that I have become! Yoga pants and celibacy!) But you know what: I don’t give a f*ck about becoming boring. I haven’t drank or done drugs in over a month, and I’ve danced, laughed, and sung a ton recently, and felt myself surrounded by beauty and magic.
I’ve also just come off a 3-day meditation retreat where I chanted and sat in a circle for three eight hour stretches with amazing humans deep in spiritual search, which is something I’ve been actively in, off and on, for the last 15 years. I realized how sometimes I veer so far from this part of myself, and thank GODDESS something always brings me back. This time in the form of a best friend who I’ve known for 14 years, Rebecca, beckoning me to Berkeley. And hours of meditation and chanting and crying and healing brought me back, yet again, to myself. The self who is held by Source, and doesn’t need to be held by random strangers.
The truth is, as much as I want to believe in the glories of casual sex, I don’t think it brings me personally closer towards Bliss, Peace, and Spirit. If it works for you then that’s beautiful and more power to ya. For me, I hope and think that having sex with someone I love deeply in a soul partner way will do that.
Alexandra Roxo is an LA based filmmaker and actress who is currently developing a holistic coaching business. She has a company called Purple Milk that makes all kinds of fun stuff including the popular web series Be Here Nowish. Follow her on Insta hereand read her past Numinous articles on Now Age love and sex here.
Time for a really radical approach to self-love…The anonymous writer behind sex positive site Girly Juice shares her recipe for a New Moon sex magic ritual
Sex energy is powerful magic. It’s pure joy and ecstasy, particularly at the moment of orgasm. It taps you into your Source so easily, quickly, wholly, and pleasurably, it can make your head spin. Sex educator Annie Sprinkle calls this “medibation”: a synthesis between masturbation and meditation. Two of my favorite things!
Lately I’ve been doing masturbation-magic rituals in the hopes of manifesting my dream sexual relationship, so I focus on the wonderful feelings and visualize someone else being there with me – working, as always, to feel the feelings I want to feel with them in the now. But you can do this kind of ritual in the service of any desire, so long as you can stay focused on it and use it to get into the feelings associated with it.
Preparation I like to set the scene by lighting a scented candle, putting on some music that reflects the mood I’m trying to get into (for me, R&B slow-jam playlists on Spotify are a godsend), and cleaning up the space in which I’m going to get busy. If your intention is to meet a new partner, tidying up your bedroom and bed is a way of symbolically and literally making space for that person to enter your reality.
Wear whatever clothing makes you feel gorgeous and in tune with your desired feeling(s). That may be nothing at all, or a silky vintage slip and high heels, or a pair of leather handcuffs and a rose quartz pendulum necklace, or even a boss-lady pantsuit…So long as you feel fantastic in it (and can comfortably masturbate in it!), it’s fair game.
Crystals I was fascinated when I heard several months ago about rose quartz dildos, a brief trend in the world of sex toys. Rose quartz is, after all, the crystal of love (including self-love), so it makes perfect sense to use it in this sort of ritual!
You can find rose quartz in various different shapes and sizes, including dildo-esque massage wands, but I have a heart-shaped piece so that’s what I use. The smoothness of a tumbled stone makes it ideal for sliding over your lips, nipples, labia, anywhere that’s craving attention. Visualize the stone spreading love energy to every area it touches.
If you’re comfortable inserting the crystal vaginally and keeping it there for the duration of the ritual, you can do that too. It’s powerful to feel love energy radiating out from literally inside you. But be careful: while it can’t get “lost” inside your vagina, you might have trouble removing the crystal later if you insert it too deeply. (And please, never put a crystal in your butt!)
Other crystals can also work beautifully. Red ones, like garnet and ruby, may increase the flow of sexual energy and pleasure in and around your root chakra. Just make sure to research any crystal before inserting it into your body – some crystals dissolve in moisture. If you’re not sure, put a condom on it. And, obviously, avoid putting anything rough or sharp in a sensitive area. Smooth stones only!
Other tools and toys In addition to any crystals you have on hand, you should use any tools or toys you normally like to use. Keeping it simple, with just your hands, may feel the most organic and connective, but there’s nothing wrong with using vibrators or other toys to help the process along – we live in the modern age, after all, and we should take advantage of that fact! I’d recommend avoiding any really loud vibrators, though, because the noise can be distracting when you’re trying to focus on a feeling or an image.
Visualization While you pleasure yourself, visualize what you’re trying to manifest. Give yourself over to that visualization fully, so that the feelings of it wash over you. It can be helpful to say affirmations out loud, stated as if you had already achieved what you’re trying to manifest. For example, in my rituals for manifesting my ideal sexual partner, I might say things like; “This is the best sex I’ve ever had!” or “You’re very good at that!” It can feel a little silly, but any self-consciousness usually melts away once I fully surrender to the fantasy and the pleasure.
Timing Take your time; don’t rush. “Edging” (repeatedly approaching orgasm but then backing off before the actual climax) can help build arousal levels and sexual energy so that the peak will be a bigger explosion. At the eventual moment of orgasm, whenever it finally happens, hold the desired image in your mind and maybe speak a word or phrase that encapsulates what you want – if you’re coherent enough to manage it!
When you’re done, take a few minutes to catch your breath and bask in the feeling you’ve created for yourself. This is also a lovely time for deep, meditative breathing, because all the delicious neurotransmitters traveling around your body will be making you feel extra calm.
Do you ever use your orgasms as a tool for magic-making and manifesting? I want to hear all about it!
Embroiled in a love-hate relationship with your refrigerator? Time to set some boundaries, show some respect and radically shift the negative vibes, says Feng Shui expert Elana Kilkenny.
Chances are you’ve already spent a lot of time this year making (and breaking?) resolutions around your relationship with food. What if I told you that the state of your refrigerator plays a contributing role to your goals? Here’s how to Feng Shui your fridge, aka “where your food spends most of its time hanging out,” to powerfully shift the energy around it and bring you closer to your 2014 vision.
LAY DOWN THE LAW (AND ORDER) Cluttered refrigerator = cluttered relationship to food. So mindfully clear out your refrigerator and freezer by making a habit of throwing out what is no longer fresh and what no longer gets you closer to your desired feelings about how you are feeding your body.
IT’S NOT JUST WHAT’S IN YOU FRIDGE Take a symbolic look at what’s on your refrigerator door. Does it look chaotic, filled with things from the past, stressing you with to-dos? Take off anything that is not fully inspiring to you and re-invent this space as a vision board for how you want to feel.
TAKE AFFIRMATIVE ACTION Caution note: before you put up a picture of a perfectly toned actress or yourself when you were at a “better weight” ask if these images inspire you or depress you. Reinforcing negative feelings about your current weight will only push you further away from your positive intentions and deeper into self-sabotage. Choose instead to put up pictures, words or quotes that remind you of how you want to feel about your health, food and body. Sexy, vital, satiated, luscious…
CREATE GOOD CHI FOR YOUR CHIA SEED PUDDING Most trainers suggest stocking your refrigerator with cut-up vegetables and washed fruit, so that you have a healthy choice at your fingertips. Elevate the mundane into a feast for your senses by storing these items in beautiful vessels and containers. This further raises the chi of not only your refrigerator but also your energy around food.
LOOK AWAY FROM THE REFRIGERATOR If your refrigerator is the first thing you see when you enter your kitchen, it could condition you to eat more. Don’t roll your eyes thinking I’m going to tell you to embark on a costly renovation. Create a pretty distraction to draw your energy away from the refrigerator. Decorate the surrounding area with art, a funky chandelier, or a bold kitchen rug. Be creative.
GO JEDI ON BEN & JERRY’S ASS Practise going into your kitchen with laser focus on what you DO want, with the use of a positive affirmation about food. “I desire to wake up feeling energized,” “I desire to feel beautiful in my jeans,” “I desire to love myself and trust my food choices.” Eventually your desired feelings will be so potent that they might just be a stronger draw than that pint of Ben & Jerry’s.
Elana Kilkenny is a Feng Shui Designer, Intuitive Counselor, Empowerment Psychic and Healer. To book a session please contact elanakilke[email protected] or 877-858-2100.